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Where I Am Right Now

To the woman I have fallen for,
you know exactly who you are.
I saw you once from across the room,
and without a word,
you had me wrapped around your finger.

Our time together,
although it really wasn’t ‘our time’
and together we certainly never were,
was spent apart,
with an opportunity presenting itself
every so often
for me to take a glimmer of you.

I drew you into me like oxygen,
even when I did not want to,
and I remember thinking
how I wanted you as my own.

Even now, as I try to articulate this into words
it is difficult to fathom,
for you simply were yourself,
just as I simply was attracted to you.

The courage I needed to tell you,
(a woman who is totally out of my league,
for you have made your bed
with those I do not associate with)
that I had been crippled with an infatuation,
and the only cure to what ailed me was your affection,
was beyond my very comprehension.

Of course, I should have realised
you would be unavailable.
I don’t know if you lied,
maliciously or with omission,
it does not matter,
for I promised to respect your answer
and to never bother you again.

I had every intention of obeying
the decision I had conceived,
and could even become accustomed
to never having you at all.

But what I cannot become accustomed to,
is having to see you endlessly once a week,
not a month after I asked
for your affection.

There you are,
every week without fail,
tormenting me.

You needn’t say a word,
nor do anything;
your very existence pains me
because until I see you again,
I am free from my feelings for you.

Then, I see you,
and every emotion violently re-enters my heart
and I become overwhelmed
with the burdening knowledge
that never will you feel anything for me.

I cannot move on either,
for no woman could ever compare to you
while a piece of you
remains right here with me,
even after I have tried, without success,
to remove you like poison from a wound.

I know how unhealthy this is,
and I have tried to avoid you,
but every path, inevitably,
leads right back to where I am right now.

There may come a time
when I never see you again,
and I will be so glad for this,
because finally, I shall be free.

But if I ever did see you again,
this I could not take,
and again I would be doomed to feel for you,
a romance that could never in a million years
compare to any other emotion.

I guess what I am trying to say is;
I absolutely loathe you,
just as I loathe myself,
because I unconditionally love you
with all my heart and soul,
and until the day
that neither of us are fated to meet again,
I shall remain,
singularly and hopelessly devoted to you.

On this note,
allow me to write,
I am, if you shall have me,
faithfully forever and always yours.
Sincerely and with kind regards,
the writer of this here verse.

Alexia Version II

There is a fire burning
on the ocean, the waves
falling apart like leaves.
This fire is in my heart; my
passion is never ending.

To be with you is a fantasy,
one which shall never come
to pass. I can dream it; I can
think it, but it will never be.

What words can I use to
describe Alexia that have not
been used before? What words
available at my beck and call
could describe such a perfect being?

What words dare a soporific
love poet loathed and unwanted
use to convey to the young
damsel he admires so, that, like
a moth, he would follow her to
the ends of the Earth if
that were ever possible,

for it just breaks my heart when I
see a beautiful woman with
a sad look upon her face, for
nobody so ravishing should
ever look quite so broken hearted.

In this state, your hair looks
messy and your skin distraught and
yet, still, there is not another
young woman in sight I
would rather kiss but you.

I am naturally morose on the
other hand, so to be this way is
in my nature. You however are
naturally beautiful and
so you should always be.

Alexia, your appearance
reminds me of caramel; soft,
light brown, seductive and
beautiful, sticking to every
surface you come in contact with.
Nobody would ever wish to
remove something that tasted
so good from their person.

 You will never know my feelings
Alexia, for I shall never
speak such words. Perhaps my
inadequacy should be
commended, for pain is all
that could ever be found in an
infatuation revealed.

Negativity may run through
this piece, but my heart runs through
it more, and although my lips
remain closed up when within your
proximity, always I am
tempted to say three words to you:

I want you; and yet, still I fail.
The look on your face; the smile on
my heart, never the two shall meet, for
although my feelings are very
real, no perfect girl like you
could ever truly accept them.

For you see me, but you don’t see
me. I’m the outsider the
outsiders don’t hang out with. You’ve
seen me five plus times or more and
yet you don’t even know my name.

I don’t even compute to you;
I am a virus on your
firewall; an enigma on
your mainframe; an entity
that should never belong to you

and yet, I would do anything
to be noticed. I would scream and
bang my head if it meant gaining
your attention, but what
on Earth would I then say?

Ultimately, I deserve
the silence, for I certainly
do not deserve you. I only
hope the man that you have
dedicated your love to is
deserving of your affection.