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Monster Heart

I may have been born
and raised by humans,
but I was never one of
them. I am alien, as I
always was; I am Clark
Kent without the power,
E.T without the family to
go home to. I almost look
human and can therefore
almost assimilate physically,
but always there was
something missing; a
necessary component of
humanity I was always
deprived; love? I had that
once, but now that time was
over. I could hope for it
again, but do little else.
Empathy? I could sympathise
with those in pain and
sometimes wish they weren’t;
I could relate to the loss and
potentially even cry for them,
but I could do little else. Speech?
I could at times be quite
garrulous despite my normally
silent demeanour. Anxiety?
A necessary evil it would seem;
a burden I did not wish to carry;
the part of humanity I wish
I had been denied. Anger, fear,
hatred, happiness; the list could
go on and on. So what is it that I
had been denied; what had I been
forsaken; what was not my
birthright? Can you guess? It was
as forgettable as a pebble, but as
important as the human heart; the
essence of humanity. Barred from
me like a prison, without which I
was not quite myself, I instead
became something less than I
ought to become. I was as
hideous as a nightmare; as
unloved as a cockroach; as
unwanted as a tax bill. I
was an insidious monster
that very few people could
ever see past. This was no
mask which could be taken
down, it was beneath the skin,
burrowing deeply into the
lower reaches of my soul. My
gift for being birthed I do
presume and it made me wish
that I hadn’t, but all it would
take is one touch; one kiss; one
sign of lust from a fair damsel
to remove this burning pain from
my interior. Like a frog’s first
kiss, I would finally feel alive
once more and perhaps, if luck
may have it, I would take my
first step into a human world
and maybe even enjoy it; and if
I didn’t? Well, I guess I’d just
ask the fair angel to kiss me
again and I would immediately
be the man I ought to be once
more, with the queen of the
human spirit standing, perhaps
happily, by my side. And they
say monsters cannot have dreams?

Alexia Version II

There is a fire burning
on the ocean, the waves
falling apart like leaves.
This fire is in my heart; my
passion is never ending.

To be with you is a fantasy,
one which shall never come
to pass. I can dream it; I can
think it, but it will never be.

What words can I use to
describe Alexia that have not
been used before? What words
available at my beck and call
could describe such a perfect being?

What words dare a soporific
love poet loathed and unwanted
use to convey to the young
damsel he admires so, that, like
a moth, he would follow her to
the ends of the Earth if
that were ever possible,

for it just breaks my heart when I
see a beautiful woman with
a sad look upon her face, for
nobody so ravishing should
ever look quite so broken hearted.

In this state, your hair looks
messy and your skin distraught and
yet, still, there is not another
young woman in sight I
would rather kiss but you.

I am naturally morose on the
other hand, so to be this way is
in my nature. You however are
naturally beautiful and
so you should always be.

Alexia, your appearance
reminds me of caramel; soft,
light brown, seductive and
beautiful, sticking to every
surface you come in contact with.
Nobody would ever wish to
remove something that tasted
so good from their person.

 You will never know my feelings
Alexia, for I shall never
speak such words. Perhaps my
inadequacy should be
commended, for pain is all
that could ever be found in an
infatuation revealed.

Negativity may run through
this piece, but my heart runs through
it more, and although my lips
remain closed up when within your
proximity, always I am
tempted to say three words to you:

I want you; and yet, still I fail.
The look on your face; the smile on
my heart, never the two shall meet, for
although my feelings are very
real, no perfect girl like you
could ever truly accept them.

For you see me, but you don’t see
me. I’m the outsider the
outsiders don’t hang out with. You’ve
seen me five plus times or more and
yet you don’t even know my name.

I don’t even compute to you;
I am a virus on your
firewall; an enigma on
your mainframe; an entity
that should never belong to you

and yet, I would do anything
to be noticed. I would scream and
bang my head if it meant gaining
your attention, but what
on Earth would I then say?

Ultimately, I deserve
the silence, for I certainly
do not deserve you. I only
hope the man that you have
dedicated your love to is
deserving of your affection.