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Alexia

Silent desire watches
cloaked in mystery.
Not a soul knows who I am
and I like it that way.

I sit across from her
and dare not say a word.
I laugh at my inadequacy
to convey my feelings
to such a rare beauty.

I long to be garrulous,
but I hold my tongue between
clenched teeth in the hope
that my feelings shall fade, or
she should suddenly disappear.

However, I know I do not
deserve her and I believe she
may be married, for the finger
of someone so special could
not remain naked for long.

I avoid eye contact to
minimise the potential
pain, for a heart can only grieve
if another has knowledge of it
and the wrongful intent to do harm.

Not to say she would hurt me,
for she seems perfect in every
way, and it’s the perfect predator
one must watch out for, cuz they
have the most deadly sting.

My comments may seem lifeless
and lacking in humanity,
but neither is my problem,
for I am broken, nothing more

and every time I see such
beauty, I become broken a little
more, for I know that  I am beneath
her and thus could never be
good enough. On that note
please, allow me to describe her to you:

Delicious dark eyes
shine like shimmering diamonds
on a mid-winter’s night,
the sparkling warmth of their
magnificent existence being
almost utterly unfathomable
within my palpitating heart.

Light chocolate brown skin,
not sparkling, glittering or
shining, but neutral in design,
looking so cool and radiant,
gently glowing under the sun.

Pink rosy lips delectably
move as unfamiliar words
in an untraceable accent
are produced by an intelligibly
brilliant mind, whilst longing, like
a flower in the meadow to be
plucked, oh so courteously.

Her elegantly formed alien
body, of foreign culture and
design belongs upon a
pedestal, for the flawlessness
of its ravishing impressions
deserve to be admired by all.

A white button down shirt with
room for two, billows softly in the
breeze, covering that which I wish to
uncover, whilst at the same time
revealing droplets of perspiration,
slowly moving down her chest.

Blue skin fit jeans, their colour
fading, magnify the curvature
of the legs, and where those same
legs reach her back, which, if I may
say so is an image I would
appreciate unbuckling.

Combined, her physical
appearance is angelic, whilst
internally she is so much more
and if I believed good things could
come true, I would grab her by the
hair, throw her up against a wall
and nibble my way down her front.

So, with this writ, I sit back
and relax, my words never
failing me on paper, but
never to be said aloud, as
I every so often catch a quick
look at her and think to myself;
Alexia is perfect.

The Way it Ought to be

SYNOPSIS: About a man who failed to properly live the life which had been granted to him, and the opportunity of new love that he so wished to have as his.

Light a candle to remember the fallen soul; the deceased wonder of us all;
the child of a deadly sacrifice that which is love eternal and infinite.

Such could, if I be lucky, be the words spoken on the morning of my passing
over an intrepid candle that burns most brightly in the hour of my death,
for failing terribly to properly live the life that had been given to me.
Although I wished to be not nobody, I failed to become a certain someone
and so I am forced to sit in the abyss of my soul whilst contemplating love,
as I stare into the eyes of the man who stares back into me from the mirror.
His expression fills me with sorrow as he forces me to remember the past;
such as it was the element that brought me to the place in time I am in now.
Perhaps if I had changed my actions, life would have become the way it ought to be.
But then again’ I think, as the face of the young woman that I love fills my mind,
maybe everything that happened, happened because fate had always wanted it to.
If such be the case, then fate it seems, is an insidiously twisted creature
for leaving my withered heart to die alone within the passages of this text.
The story behind how I came to feel this way happened during the last winter;
such being an event I remember so well for I relive it everyday.
I will paint the scene as it was for me; in colour; vibrant, fluorescent and true.
A party, it was, in a friend’s giant house, with music playing from dusk till dawn.
This friend of mine had just turned twenty-one, this party being a special occasion,
for nobody ever turns twenty-one twice, thus, everyone had been invited.
The house itself was two storeys in height, looming like a huge, pitch coloured monster.
The lights that were on were its facial extremities, making it look so alive;
if one judged the party on its exterior they would have been terribly wrong;
music was passable, food was delightful and the alcohol kept on coming.
The lights were turned up to their highest extent illuminating all of the house.
The walls were constructed from the thickest plaster, yet they rocked to the beat like leaves.
The luxurious furniture looked so eccentric, whilst someone puked up their guts.
The people present danced to the groove, dreaming of getting into each other’s pants;
and as all of this transpired I looked towards the tower of erected gifts
and just as my eyes came to land on my present, they began to drift towards you.
You were leaning up against the far wall with shadows dancing across your features.
One boot covered foot was against the wall, whilst the other was placed upon the floor.
You wore tight blue jeans that were glued upon your magnificently formed body.
Above the waist you wore a light brown, formalised jacket, with buttons down the front.
Beneath this was a feministic shirt that was an aqua and pink in colour.
Your jet black hair was curly in appearance and tied back in a crimson scrunchie.
In one hand you held a piece of literature, whilst in the other a beverage.
I would go on to describe the beauty of your face but I could not find the words,
for there are no words in any known language to describe someone as beautiful;
those, bright dark brown eyes; those luscious crimson lips; that incredible, heartwarming smile.
I realised then I need you, the same way I need oxygen, food and water
and I know from now on my thoughts when I masturbate will consist only of you.
I wish to love you the way Achilles loved the battle and how he loved the sword;
the way Marc Anthony loved Cleopatra, or the way King Midas loved his gold.
It is now in this story that I proceeded to make my way over to you.
I wonder, how you would react knowing your beauty has captured a man like me,
and as I undress your ravishingly fabulous body with my dark brown eyes,
I know I should be put to death for the heavily sexualised thoughts that I have.
It is now that I go to speak, but I unfortunately fail to find the words.
You look up at me and seem almost annoyed; you don’t want another pick-up line;
but the unfortunate thing for you is, you’re about to receive one anyway.
You roll your eyes and stand aggressively before eventually asking my name;
I say you won’t ever require it, for you have everything you’ll ever need.
From now until your body is but dust and your life’s all but a sweet memory;
until forever is no longer forever you will not need to know my name.
Besides, what is a name, even my own, when you don’t have the man to give it to?
This is why my silence is so bitter sweet, for together, we will never be.
With that being said you gently tilt your head and wonder what question you should cite next.
You ask ‘where are your feelings, where do they reside, where do they shine the brightest?’,
and I say ‘they are where the sun does not see and where the moon cannot penetrate’,
for I’m the pariah; the interloper; the worst of all the world’s pretenders.
This is the excuse I wish to give for trying to grab your heart and soul with lies,
for inevitably, such is the later conclusion I will be forced to write.
Never in my life have I been captured by a beauty that I could not have;
but such a woe it is to find that such has unfortunately occurred
and I am been played love’s romantic fool the same way a musician plays the drum.
But even as all of these words, thoughts and ideas are, all of them, but said and done,
I would very much like to get to know you until we are not strangers no more.
I’ve never felt this way for anyone or anything in the entire world;
for you’re everywhere inside of me; you are in my air; my bones; my heart; my blood.
However, as sudden as your heart struck me down with such a force, light lightning,
more sudden was it when another man came up to you and stole your heart away.
He asked you then, with his truly, romantic words, if he could mould your heart a-new.
You looked to have been swooned with joy; captured in the oceans of an age old romance.
He took your lusciously silky hand in his, just as you took his damn hand in yours,
emotions flaring uncontrollably as you stared into each other’s eyes,
being fueled by a powerful passion that made me swoon in the most horrific way;
and with this, he whisked you away, to make love to you the way the Gods intended
and now, every time I see you, you break me, for I wish to be more than friends.
You have made the heroic lion living inside my soul weep a thousand tears;
you pulled out my heart, raised it towards the Heavens and lost it in the black of night
and now I am forced to carry your memory, that is; unforgotten.
Because of you, I have so many scars that cover what this man once used to be.
I have a scar upon my broken heart; a scar that fails to ever go away;
a scar that is in fact a plague, insidiously caused by this ravaged romance.
If you were to come back to these arms once more I would never – and I must stress this,
if you would please come back to these arms once more, I would never be broken again.

Never fall in love

SYNOPSIS: A piece that takes a negative look at the feeling that so many of us wish to endlessly treasure due to its adoringly heartfelt properties, yet possibly dangerous and heart wrenching consequences.

Sometimes the darkness is too much and I feel a little blue.
Do not shed a tear for me cuz I died when I first saw you
after I realised such a young beauty could never love a man like me
and just like that, you and I we came together and we crushed my fantasy
and we also crushed my still red beating heart
that now be but broken and falling apart
from the trauma that it hath terribly sustained –
I only wish that day a lover I had gained.

God, I wish a relationship had come to fruition.
Sometimes I do not even know why I bother livin’
a life that ain’t lovely or romantic
in a world that is so cold and plastic
where the faces of all the living peoples always look the same,
and those I truly love cannot even recognise my true name
because they are blinded by the beauty of other more handsome men.
If given the choice, I would not ever live this life of mine again.

Is it really living, if I frequently feel like death?
Am I really breathing if I am all run out of breath?
I feel like I have run several hundred thousand miles
due to my stubborn bleeding heart and the constant trials
that present themselves every single hour.
Tell me, am I but a man if I cower
away, for I have this fear of my heart been again broken.
‘I love you’ are the three little words I have not yet spoken.

Been in love is like banging your head against a brick wall.
Inevitably, everything you try to love will fall
down, like rain, and will forever disappear,
and those sweet three words I have so longed to hear
I will unfortunately never bear witness to once more
as I find my cold cadaver lying hapless on the floor
of Hell’s horrific barren wasteland for the hundredth time in one day.
Anyone who dreams of getting close to me, I urge you ‘stay away.’

Metropolis Me

SYNOPSIS: About the rekindling of a friendship that incorporated romanticised feelings after so many years of being apart, and the wish that this friendship could grow into something much more powerful and everlasting. The man in the story is broken to some extent, and whether this be physical or emotional is up to reader discretion.

You were born in north east Victoria, raised in Sydenham;
fell in love at age fourteen to a young man from north Melbourne.
Four years later that dream was over, he didn’t give love a second chance
and then you went to college where you studied gymnastics, drama and dance.
It was in that same year the both of us happened to meet so suddenly,
you were the smart attractive student, whilst the opposite was played by me.
When we met, the two of us were complete and utter strangers,
but inside my heart I felt such extraordinary changes.

When we first met and I told you my feelings, I could have instead not said a word,
but my heart, it said to me ‘I will not allow these strong feelings to go unheard.
I would spend my life forever in your arms if given the choice,
moreover, I would do almost anything just to hear your voice.
One hundred is the number of days since last I laid eyes on your pretty face,
one million is the number of times I’ve thought of you since we met in that place.
I have thoughts of you, constantly, running throughout my mind,
true love together, in the future, we could one day find.

However, such written words, without action, are almost meaningless,
without the actual emotion they could never truly impress.
That is why I ask if we could meet up tomorrow yet again
and rekindle that age old flame, whilst making jokes with an old friend.
I may seem incredibly young, but I am not emotionally weak,
all of these thoughts and feelings I have buried inside me, I wish to speak;
and so instead they are typed up, in a badly written love poem,
it’s described this way for I’ve never written one with heart, soul and solemn.

Inevitably, only a stubborn fool could believe in love;
a fool I must be for falling for an angel from up above.
Intense, powerful and passionate emotions could easily begin
the moment I touch, taste and smell your divine and lusciously silky skin.
Immediately after this occurrence we could make true love for the first time,
an occurrence that for me, would be forever unto eternity; sublime.
Nothing could be better as I dance inside you; within your secret garden,
with its hydrated rainforest canopy and continuous seduction.

If you chose to live by my side I’d never need to have happiness or wealth,
yet another of the many things I wanted to accomplish for myself.
There have been so many things I’ve wanted to do which have been barred from my life;
I wanted to settle down, make a child; a daughter and have you as my wife.
Instead, I believe I can say without a flickering shadow of a doubt,
that you will never know how I feel for you until this life of mine runs out.
I wish when they spoke about ‘forever’ they’d be talking about us; me and you,
there is nothing else in this world I would ever dream of committing myself to.

When I look into the mirror, a broken man is all I ever see,
I wish you could bear witness to the romantic places inside of me.
I doubt you’ve ever seen my face for it’s hidden behind a mask of emotions,
if you don’t want to see me again just tell me and I’ll obey your instructions.
I’ll admit, I don’t want to remove from my heart someone who has left such a mark,
for when we first met you came to me like the brightest light in the gathering dark.
In truth I want to provide to you all the love in my heart and soul,
I believe I’m to be the man whose destiny is to make you whole.

Without you I am lost within the boundaries of the twilight zone,
I am exactly like that old dog who has lost his favorite bone.
All of the things that we have done we can always undo,
however, the one thing I would never replace – is you.
I am yet to realise if it’s you or my mind that I am losing,
if I don’t have you in my life it will be my heart that I’m abusing.
Inevitably I should use my heart before it is ground up into dust,
before I die I hope to give it to you; the only woman whom I lust.

All I have to give to you are these three words every day and night;
if only such words could constantly fill you with ravishing delight.
I do not have a million dollars, nor do I have handsome looks,
I could never provide to you the fairytale inside children’s books;
I do not have a luxurious car, nor do I have an amazing career;
could you ever sleep beside and love such a person? I don’t think you could I fear.
If you were to suddenly turn away and leave I would be forced to ask you ‘why?
Have I not tried to give you everything?’ I would ask, as I began to cry.

I wish you could stay with me tonight to watch this life of mine unfold
and experience together the greatest love story never told.
However, we are constantly separated by forests, rivers and seas,
I cannot wait for you to one day return back home once more and marry me.
I dream of such an occurrence transpiring almost every single day;
I wish love could quit wearing a disguise and instead transform into a foray.
So please, tie your long hair back, put your perfume on and make your face look just so pretty
and then meet me, your man always and forever, in your local suburban city.

No Death in Love

SYNOPSIS: My idea of a stereotypical break-up poem

Today could have been the day you found out you were pregnant and we began to start a family.
Today could have been the day I proposed, getting down on bended knee, asking you to marry me.
Today however is the day I sit back, alone again, and cry.
I stare drunkenly at the moon and toss insults at the falling stars,
the same falling stars I once wished upon that never truly brought me to you,
and even though I held you in my arms, you were never truly mine.
I could have been a million miles away because sitting next to you meant next to nothing.
I would ask if anything we experienced was true, but I’m afraid of the answer.
Was everything simply one great big lie, is that a tragic fact?
I should have realised your promises were too good to be true,
but I unfortunately had been struck down by love, and refused to see the signs.
When I told you my feelings, you didn’t believe me, and my heart lay down and died.
You had this picture perfect image of the perfect man that, like a tuxedo two sizes too small, I could not fit into.
When we first met, you were looking for Mr. Right, but instead you found me, and now it is a second too late; all our love is gone.
When in a relationship, you stressed you give it your all; your heart, mind, soul and body.
When I was younger I had delusions of grandeur, I wanted to be yours.
Since then, I have learnt a lot. I only wish I had been born with such knowledge
to avoid the unspeakable pain that now resides inside my head and heart.
I will admit, lessons have been leant, however, heart’s have been razed to the ground,
although I can only speak for myself because mine is all but dead and gone.
When we first met, I was so alive, free and passionate; I cannot believe who I once was. I cannot believe how much things have changed.
I am now an archipelago, lost and stranded in the crisp blue ocean, sending out an S.O.S to your heart,
for mine, it has been belittled, it has been broken, and it is no longer yours.
Last night I had myself a dream, one in which your loving heart came to rescue me,
but I knew from the beginning, although it was so beautiful,
it was rather unfortunately, happily never after.
When we were together I was hypnotised from a spell cast by your hand;
a man I had once been, but now a prisoner, one enslaved to your voice,
and whatever order you gave to me, I would have only too gladly executed.
You could have taken out a gun, pressed it to my temple, and asked me to pull the trigger,
and I would have obediently done so too, because I was not quite myself anymore.
I would have done anything you asked of me, but now I fear it’s too late to dwell on the past.
I read somewhere and ignorantly believed it too, a quote from a wise old woman,
who stated ever so positively and honestly, that there was no death in love.
For your crimes against the loving heart, warrants should be out for your arrest.
You need to be charged with the murder of love, and pain was your accomplice.
Every law enforcement officer, bounty hunter and able bodied hand should have been deployed
to apprehend the heinous violator who committed such horrid acts against romance.
To this I say; long live the ghost of the fallen angel, fallen angel which was you,
but no longer. Now altered into blue eyed devil, blue eyed demon, blue eyed evil.
So sweet and innocent you once were, when you went looking for a young man’s heart;
taught to be good by your parents; to treat others with decency and respect,
and to never talk to strangers, especially when within a strange land.
You had your own ideals on love however, your own beliefs on romance;
you enjoyed the company of older men for their experience and younger men for their passion,
until you were barbarically taken advantage of, and it was only then that we fell in love.
But perhaps all of it was nothing less than a dream, and if it were, it was a good dream while it lasted
within the fabricated reality of my mind,
where I daydreamed in the dark spaces of this cold, cold world.
However, if it were to happen again
there are some things I would have to recommend.
Instead of surrendering your entire self, you could have put in half of your heart,
and I could have put in half of mine, and together we would have made a complete whole,
and therefore you would have been without a fathomable excuse to leave me,
because losing you was difficult, for you’re like no woman I’ve ever known.
I wish I had the power to see into your heart, to feel as you do,
because I cannot believe you could forget what we had so easily
and begin something new with a certain someone.
I believe it’s a facade, a shitty disguise,
because I think, or I hope, although I don’t know which just yet, that you still love me,
for the greater the romance, the worse the pain, and therefore the greater the rebound.
When we cried, it was comparative to rain in a formidable storm,
and when you started up your vehicle, the engine throttled like thunder,
right before you left at a speed faster than that of lightning.
Over time I had said jokes and I had confessed my feelings;
if only this were the way love was supposed to be, you would still be in my arms tonight.
I would have popped you the question; I certainly would have, this is my truthful confession,
but you tore out my heart from its place in my chest before I even had the chance,
and yet I am still the proud owner of my heart’s train, but rather regrettably
and unfortunately, it is at the end of its line,
for no more tracks will be laid upon this broken romance.
Now, when I walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror,
I see there’s a hideous monster staring right back at me.
This monster, he is representative of my terribly scarred heart,
for I cannot believe you are walking around with somebody else
and not just walking. But I do not dare imagine, or even write down, what else you are doing,
because it is just too painful to imagine your Heavenly body loving somebody else.
You say you do not know what is happening, you do not know what you are doing,
and in turn I reply, it is obvious. You are going to do each other,
all the two of you need to discover is where? Why? And how?
Later I regret saying this, but admit it, I will not.
All I can say, is your new man, he had better hold you real tight,
because if he don’t, I swear to you, I’ll steal you right back to me.
You say he’s great, this guy you talk about, the guy you’re constantly with,
and I ask, how can you be with him, I cannot believe he’s your type.
You say you have never felt this kind of love for any other man before.
You think you have finally found the one, that you have finally got it right.
Such words are music to your ears, but they certainly are not to mine.
How do you think it makes me feel to find everything we had was flawed?
Was I simply and always invisible to you – like a specter it would seem?
Was I a sand man, but a man made of sand, who would blow apart and disappear?
However, and it might just amaze you to learn, that I still love you;
the same way a verse loves a couplet; the same way a song loves a rhyme.
You could change your face, hair and name. You could flee to a foreign land,
and still I would have nothing but romanticised feelings for you.
If you want these feelings I have for you to end
you had better get yourself a gun for hire
because I am not ever going to stop loving you,
even after all that you did to me and I to you,
because I love you now, exactly as I loved you then.
I have always loved you, and I fear I always will.