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La Douleur Exquise

La Douleur Exquise: (French) The heart wrenching pain of wanting someone you can’t have

Was there ever a more perfect human being than the gorgeous Alexia,
who is the single most beautiful young woman in all of Australia.
Her evocative appearance is something saucy out from a dazzling wet dream,
her smooth, silky, rich skin, milky in appearance is as delectable as whipped cream,
her deliciously red, kissable lips are so marvellously unattainable
and one could become lost in her ravishing brown eyes which are just so delectable
to behold. Her dark hair, like a body of water, gently moves whenever the wind blows
and her body, shaped like an hour glass, could inspire an infinite amount of prose.
Her intelligence is beyond impressive and her personality is fabulous
and that riveting accent of hers is so sexy and so unfathomably gorgeous.
There is another special something about Alexia, I guess you could say it’s her aurora,
a powerful energy which inevitably makes her so unbelievably popular,
and like so many people before me, I have been drawn towards her too,
my reason being because ‘Alexia, I am deeply in love with you,’
and to have but one opportunity to confess these feelings, I’ll collapse to the floor, pray to God and ask him ‘please,
may you grant me a minute of Alexia’s time so I might admit to her my feelings of La Douleur Exquise.’

Inside her eyes rolls an endless ocean of great darkness, which is as resilient as the embers of a burning flame.
I can see it powerfully glowing behind her mask of happiness because like her, inside my heart I feel the same.
I understand she doesn’t want anyone to know her secret, and for its discovery I take the blame,
however, my darkness would come to an end the moment she acknowledges my existence and says my name
in that uniquely untraceable, riveting accent of hers; in her sumptuously high pitched voice.
Out of all the women in the world, Alexia is the one I give my heart to, she is my heart’s choice
and I wonder, if she can save me from my eternal darkness, could I perhaps be her cure?
My heart may be a twisted and depraved vessel, but my intentions are entirely pure.
For if she be broken, even a little, maybe Alexia can understand the pain in my heart,
for if it exists in hers, maybe she can put me back together rather than further tear me apart,
and perhaps I too can do the same for her and we can become symbiotically joined as one
and together we can brave the unrelenting darkness and never again shall we come undone,
for I want to see Alexia for who she is, from her impeccable strengths to her fatal flaws,
because I long to be her heart’s hero, just as I can no longer wait ‘to be entirely yours,’
and with these few words said to Alexia’s face, suddenly the truth she shall be shown,
that being she is the single most amazing young woman my loving heart has ever known.

However, soon Alexia will have to leave and return to the country where she originally did reside
for if somebody said Alexia was completely Australian, then I’m afraid someone heinously lied.
The opportunity to confess my feelings is all but slowly being depleted
and soon there’ll be no time left in the world for my heart to be successfully treated,
for then a great travesty of a depression will inevitably befall me heart and whole;
Alexia has become a part of my bloodstream; a part of my spirit; a part of my soul.
What I wouldn’t give for Alexia to see me, for her to come up to me and say
‘young man, I have seen you staring endlessly at my person almost every single day,
and I would very much like to know, is there something you want me to do; is there anything you want from me?’
‘if you do not know by now what it is that I want, I am certain you never will’ I would reply sadly.
From the moment I first saw Alexia, I have constantly without end thought, dreamed and fantasised of no one else,
and if she still be left unaware, then obviously she is not destined to be my partner, my lover, my spouse.
I have tried not thinking about her, but the horribly difficult task is almost unimaginable
and it is unfortunate I cannot move on either because my heart has become uninhabitable
to any other woman but her. I’m in love with a woman who could never love me and for this I ask to be put to death
because what is the point of being alive if every thought of mine is consumed by Alexia, from now until my dying breath.

Due to these romantic feelings, I fear there must be something terribly wrong with me for I am concerned for my heart’s health,
and I just know that I can’t let Alexia find out because if she did, she would hate me almost as much as I hate myself,
for no woman would ever wish to discover she is a pathetically weak, little man’s muse
and no matter how hard I try to keep my strong feelings in check I know I am destined to lose,
because I have already tried everything; remedies, potions and prayer
to stop the beautiful woman of my dreams from becoming my nightmare.
During these dreams I play a broken, weeping man who collapses to his knees
upon realising his only company during his death is La Douleur Exquise.
I’d rather these dreadful dreams of mine remain fictitious, for I would not survive if they were real.
The painful truth is they already are, for Alexia could never understand how I feel.
For I am a horrid monster; hideous and hated by all. Unwanted, unloved, emotionally crippled to the core,
and if Alexia even managed to look at me on but one occasion, I am certain she could look again no more
for one look at my physical appearance would without a doubt fill her with an unrelenting dread,
and if she had a Djinn I am almost certain that at least one wish would be reserved to have me dead.
If this be true, as pathetic as it may sound, my feelings for her will continue to have an indefinite longevity,
because ‘I will always love you more than anything Alexia, even life itself, and I am forever yours my lady.’

Vancouver Sunrise

This here poem shall echo on throughout the course of time
until words are no longer words and they no longer rhyme.
This here poem shall echo on through the ages,
across words, lines, stanzas, paragraphs and pages.
This here poem is more romantic than previous love stories
and shall stretch across several lands, worlds, countries and territories.
This here poem is not about a conclusion, but a beginning
of a romance that is in itself entirely never ending.

Who would have thunk that I would one day be driving through the streets of Canada,
when five months prior I was in my bed, sleeping soundly in Australia.
Who would believe I would be driving down a Canadian highway
with the cold as my companion under the light of a brand new day
as my vehicle flies by an endless ocean of trees on either side,
which is the start of great forestry where many breeds of animals hide.
Behind me in my rear view mirror I see the incredible Vancouver sunrise
whilst ahead of me across the border is where the American continent lies
and just as I reach the border I realise I need to quickly turn around;
the Canadian border just saved my life for true love I have already found.
I put my foot to the pedal and hurry back the way I came
and under my breath I frequently repeat my young lover’s name
whilst the golden sun glows across my skin and the cold wind caresses me too
and as soon as I reach her door I will announce ‘Alexia, I love you.’

Five months prior, the last thought that could ever come to mind was the thought of travelling
across the vast oceans of this world to experience a cool Vancouver morning.
Allow this writer to paint a picture of how this came to be
and perhaps after reading several stanzas you will agree
that this is a luscious love poem unlike any other that has come before
and the feelings generated are all passion without a single flaw.

It’s 4a.m. Wednesday morning, I wake all alone.
Why did I wake you might ask; there’s someone on the phone.
Alexia’s calling from a payphone in the middle-class district of Coal Harbour
and in the background I can hear the shriek of the wind and the cry of the cold weather.
‘Just last night I was staring passionately at your picture on the bedroom wall,
it seems, almost like destiny that the next morning you suddenly choose to call.’
Her mobile is dead and she has lost some of her luggage
but her strength hasn’t waned and she still has her courage,
other than that, she is totally unaffected and completely fine,
before beginning to articulate why she happens to be on the line.
Initially I thought that maybe she wished to redefine our relationship,
after all, truth of the matter was, I had always wanted more than a friendship.
Additionally, I wonder if she is calling to talk about a future,
where, instead of being a loyal friend of mine she is my infatuated lover
and I am also hers; a wish I’d always wanted as my own,
but seldom had these lustrous dreams I have ever truly grown.
Instead, you want to sell me a trip to Canada, to experience what life’s like there
and I ecstatically reply ‘Alexia, I will gladly go with you anywhere.’

You could sell me almost anything; all I dream of is your hand.
To the man in the desert, you could sell more irritating sand,
to the captain of the sinking ship in the Pacific you could see more sea,
but all I want, in all the world, is for you to sell your loving heart to me.
For you are the Alexia of life and you are the unwilling owner of this man’s heart
and as I quickly pack my gear, I do so not only because I cannot stand being apart
but because I wish to reveal to you a truth you have not yet found;
a truth that has always existed, one that has always been around
and the truth is, I’m the man of your dreams masquerading as your closest friend,
however, I am afraid this man can no longer adequately pretend.
I must tear down the great walls of this façade and reveal to you the way I feel
and all I can ever do is hope that the love I dream you have for me is real,
for I am obliged to show you the strong emotions inside my heart and soul
because without you, my dear, I am nothing more than a fraction of a whole.
Upon reuniting in Canada, I will happily kiss you where you stand
and perhaps, if I be lucky, everything will turn out the way I always planned.

When I eventually did arrive in this alien country Alexia did not hesitate
and together we quickly began our adventurous travels, but first, we had to masticate
for our hunger was fast becoming so intense it was unbelievably sublime
and if we wanted to go on a journey or two we needed to be in our prime.
I remember travelling to Prince Edward Island and dining in Charlottetown
and at the Saint John Farmer’s Market in Fredericton we greatly weighed ourselves down
with an unimaginable wealth of food and other necessities
for when we would being travelling across the many territories.
We had a stopover in Toronto and stayed the night at the Hotel Alexandra,
before continuing onwards the next day to explore other portions of Canada.
We traversed through the amazing Miles Canyon in the area known as Whitehorse
and under the bright moonlight we dined upon a deliciously homemade main course,
before travelling to view a festival in Edmonton and the gorgeous Lake Louise in Alberta
and later taking the Tsawwassen-Swartz Bay Ferry to admire the many castles in Victoria.
In Halifax I learnt that the local old town clock had been keeping time since 1803
and I wondered to myself, ‘would it take as long for Alexia to ever notice me?’

As the few months quickly drift by, my romantic goals remain incomplete
and my heart becomes overburdened with the intense feeling of defeat.
I never believed Alexia had the ability to read my mind,
however, I felt that the truth of it all she would inevitably find
at her own volition. I have been sending more signals than a satellite
and I cannot fathom why she has not seen what I am now choosing to write.
I have been in love with her since the very moment I heard her voice
and I have become a slave to love, I was never granted a choice.
But a man can only accept loss so many times before he officially gives in
and I for one cannot take anymore pain for I have already been long sufferin’
the incredible emotions that run rampant throughout my head
and I guess I am going to leave with a broken heart instead,
for although I came to this great country with the one intention of acquiring Alexia,
it seems unfortunate that I will be leaving in much the same way that I arrived in Canada.
The highway I drive across is nearly vacant as I hurry by in my vehicle,
my palpitating heart distraught that I am still yet to claim my one forbidden angel.
Behind me in my rear view mirror I see the incredible Vancouver sunrise
whilst ahead of me across the border is where the American continent lies
and just as I reach the border I realise I need to quickly turn around;
the Canadian border just saved my life for true love I have already found.
I put my foot to the pedal and hurry back the way I came
and under my breath I frequently repeat my young lover’s name
whilst the golden sun glows across my skin and the cold wind caresses me too
and as soon as I reach her door I will announce ‘Alexia, I love you.’

Alexia Version II

There is a fire burning
on the ocean, the waves
falling apart like leaves.
This fire is in my heart; my
passion is never ending.

To be with you is a fantasy,
one which shall never come
to pass. I can dream it; I can
think it, but it will never be.

What words can I use to
describe Alexia that have not
been used before? What words
available at my beck and call
could describe such a perfect being?

What words dare a soporific
love poet loathed and unwanted
use to convey to the young
damsel he admires so, that, like
a moth, he would follow her to
the ends of the Earth if
that were ever possible,

for it just breaks my heart when I
see a beautiful woman with
a sad look upon her face, for
nobody so ravishing should
ever look quite so broken hearted.

In this state, your hair looks
messy and your skin distraught and
yet, still, there is not another
young woman in sight I
would rather kiss but you.

I am naturally morose on the
other hand, so to be this way is
in my nature. You however are
naturally beautiful and
so you should always be.

Alexia, your appearance
reminds me of caramel; soft,
light brown, seductive and
beautiful, sticking to every
surface you come in contact with.
Nobody would ever wish to
remove something that tasted
so good from their person.

 You will never know my feelings
Alexia, for I shall never
speak such words. Perhaps my
inadequacy should be
commended, for pain is all
that could ever be found in an
infatuation revealed.

Negativity may run through
this piece, but my heart runs through
it more, and although my lips
remain closed up when within your
proximity, always I am
tempted to say three words to you:

I want you; and yet, still I fail.
The look on your face; the smile on
my heart, never the two shall meet, for
although my feelings are very
real, no perfect girl like you
could ever truly accept them.

For you see me, but you don’t see
me. I’m the outsider the
outsiders don’t hang out with. You’ve
seen me five plus times or more and
yet you don’t even know my name.

I don’t even compute to you;
I am a virus on your
firewall; an enigma on
your mainframe; an entity
that should never belong to you

and yet, I would do anything
to be noticed. I would scream and
bang my head if it meant gaining
your attention, but what
on Earth would I then say?

Ultimately, I deserve
the silence, for I certainly
do not deserve you. I only
hope the man that you have
dedicated your love to is
deserving of your affection.

Alexia

Silent desire watches
cloaked in mystery.
Not a soul knows who I am
and I like it that way.

I sit across from her
and dare not say a word.
I laugh at my inadequacy
to convey my feelings
to such a rare beauty.

I long to be garrulous,
but I hold my tongue between
clenched teeth in the hope
that my feelings shall fade, or
she should suddenly disappear.

However, I know I do not
deserve her and I believe she
may be married, for the finger
of someone so special could
not remain naked for long.

I avoid eye contact to
minimise the potential
pain, for a heart can only grieve
if another has knowledge of it
and the wrongful intent to do harm.

Not to say she would hurt me,
for she seems perfect in every
way, and it’s the perfect predator
one must watch out for, cuz they
have the most deadly sting.

My comments may seem lifeless
and lacking in humanity,
but neither is my problem,
for I am broken, nothing more

and every time I see such
beauty, I become broken a little
more, for I know that  I am beneath
her and thus could never be
good enough. On that note
please, allow me to describe her to you:

Delicious dark eyes
shine like shimmering diamonds
on a mid-winter’s night,
the sparkling warmth of their
magnificent existence being
almost utterly unfathomable
within my palpitating heart.

Light chocolate brown skin,
not sparkling, glittering or
shining, but neutral in design,
looking so cool and radiant,
gently glowing under the sun.

Pink rosy lips delectably
move as unfamiliar words
in an untraceable accent
are produced by an intelligibly
brilliant mind, whilst longing, like
a flower in the meadow to be
plucked, oh so courteously.

Her elegantly formed alien
body, of foreign culture and
design belongs upon a
pedestal, for the flawlessness
of its ravishing impressions
deserve to be admired by all.

A white button down shirt with
room for two, billows softly in the
breeze, covering that which I wish to
uncover, whilst at the same time
revealing droplets of perspiration,
slowly moving down her chest.

Blue skin fit jeans, their colour
fading, magnify the curvature
of the legs, and where those same
legs reach her back, which, if I may
say so is an image I would
appreciate unbuckling.

Combined, her physical
appearance is angelic, whilst
internally she is so much more
and if I believed good things could
come true, I would grab her by the
hair, throw her up against a wall
and nibble my way down her front.

So, with this writ, I sit back
and relax, my words never
failing me on paper, but
never to be said aloud, as
I every so often catch a quick
look at her and think to myself;
Alexia is perfect.