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Unflinching Admiration

Love is never nearly enough,
is it ma’am? Is this unfortunate
truth the reality of romance,
or the failed logic of an infatuated lover
who’s passionately connected
to an unknowing victim
of his hearts’ endless affections.

We move in separate circles,
neither of which are fated to meet.
We are destined to always be apart,
and I am not content with that conclusion.

But without the exchange of dialogue,
how are you supposed to know my feelings?
You cannot read my mind,
but, would you ever really want to?

My mind is like a maze and can cause
even the greatest adventurer to become lost.
I would not venture inside if I were you,
unless you wish to be exposed to my feelings.

These feelings I long to express verbally,
but would you honestly give your time
to a man like me?
Ma’am, would you care to listen
to my heart if it spoke to you?

You are never alone.
Friends surround you around every turn.
I cannot approach you,
for my words would cause
great embarrassment, and your reputation
I would hate to hurt.

If only I could shoot you a message,
from my lips to yours;
a gentle kiss, purer than true love,
blown soundlessly across the room
to where you sit.

Maybe then you would know I am real,
for although we’ve never shared a conversation,
(barely a word has passed between us),
I wish to share with you a kiss
so passionate, that you remember me forever.

In reality however,
you will never know my name,
my identity, my number,
and although I’ve watched you so lovingly
since July and the wind of a warm Spring
is fast approaching,
you have never noticed
how much I truly love you.

You don’t know of my existence.
This here will be the fifth week
I have seen you,
and yet you have never seen me.
I have looked right into your eyes
and when you looked in my direction,
all you bore witness to was an everlasting emptiness,
and to you, that is all I shall ever be.

I barely know you ma’am,
and for reasons I am yet to uncover,
my heart has become hopelessly devoted
to you, and you alone.

Please, if you could,
relieve me of my torment
and say how you could never love me;
how I am beneath you;
a wretched worm undeserving of your affection,
who you would sooner squash
between your thumb and forefinger
rather than ever look upon.

Please, ma’am, I beg of you; do not love me.
I fell for you so easily
and I could not survive a fall again.
Ever since I looked into your eyes;
your sad yet beautifully
dazzling eyes, I have become
singularly devoted to you.

But if you were to feel as I do,
if your love was to become
as uncontrollable as my own,
the repercussions would be extraordinary,
for I would never let you go;
even if the world was ending,
I would hold onto you forever.

In this verse you are mine,
and I am always times infinity yours,
and yet, in reality,
such could never come to fruition
for we are not destined to meet.

And even though there was
never a greater love poem
than the one about this particular young lady
and her love struck poet,
in reality, never was there a sadder story
than the truth of this famed fiction.

So, although you can never love me,
please, at least remember me
as the man who loved you;
as the man who always will.
I am yours entirely ma’am,
in this world and the next.
Sincerely, your unflinching admirer.

A little bird told me I’m a Liebster Blogger…

…Recently, I was nominated for the Liebster Blog Award by Billieazahir (AKA The Eye), which I am incredibly appreciative for.

http://billieazahir.wordpress.com/2013/05/17/the-liebster-award/

I do apologise for taking a while to finally register the award on my blog. Originally I thought I had already received this. True, I have, but apparently not on this blog as of yet…until now! Again, thank you!

liebster-award

As with all awards there are rules, and those for the Liebster Blogger are as follows:

1: Link back to the person who nominated you
2: Place the award on your blog and/or in a post
3: Answer the 10 questions your nominator asked
4: State 10 random facts about yourself
5: Nominate 10 other bloggers and alert them to the nomination

So, without further ado, the questions I am required to answer…

1. Do you have a goal in life?
I think everyone has at least one of these (that’s a ‘yes’ FYI) (The question asked me to specify whether I had a goal. It didn’t ask me to say what it was!)

2. City or countryside?
Hmmmm, this is an interesting one. I am originally from the country but now reside in the outer suburbs of Melbourne. I think it really depends. I have never been a huge fan of the city; the bustling crowds; the noise; the traffic congestion; the amount of time it takes to get there, etc.
The city however is viewed as the land of opportunity, the country not being provided with such an image. However, I think the ideology behind said opportunities is more often than not a farce, for they seem to dry up awfully fast.
I think the benefit of living out in the country would be the silence and overall absence of large quantities of people (if one at the time wishes to experience this kind of tranquillity) and perhaps the fact that one could see the stars better at night. The vast quantity of light in the city and surrounding regions makes such an endeavour almost impossible to accomplish, but in the country, as a teacher once told me, the ‘stars flee there’, so why not on occasion join them?

 3. What was the last word you looked up in the dictionary?
Prolixity: an avid sesquipedalian/something which is tediously long

 4. If you had a time machine where would you go?
Now, this is something. I could say that I have always been interested in Cleopatra and go back in time to see how she ruled her dynasty. I could say that I want to see my future, or the future in general in an attempt to garner when and if the aliens come to annihilate us, or vice versa. Honestly though, I have so much going on right now, professionally, personally, educationally and mentally that I am probably content remaining right here in the 21st century. Although I like to look to the future rather than reminisce on the past, I would rather live through it rather than leap frog across certain periods. What is life if you ain’t exactly living it, eh? I’m not exactly one of those people who believe I was put here for a reason, but if I was placed here, it was because I was meant to accomplish something in this time, not in another. On that note, I will keep my feet firmly placed on the ground in today, rather than yesterday, tomorrow or any other date that is miles beyond me. Besides, everyone I love is here; family, friends, girl of my dreams; why would I want to leave any of this behind?

5. Pirate or Vampires?
Vampires – I realise they can be a real pain in the neck, but they don’t say ‘arrrr!’, so that’s something I guess

6. Are you an easily satisfied person or you do you keep working to obtain something
I’m neither, but I’m both. I don’t think this answer typically transcribes the situation, so allow me to provide an example. I’m probably going to be more honest and revealing than I would like, but hey, this is my blog, right? Okay, here goes; I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while. There is actually a point to such a humiliating remark as you will come to find throughout this answer. Well, that ‘while’ is a little longer than I would probably care to reveal. At the present moment, it is more than five years, but less than six. That means, I have not gone out on a date, kissed, or done anything else in the ocean of ‘romantic’ in that period of time with a woman. Now, I would never say that I was stereotypically satisfied with this, but I guess one does eventually become accustomed to, I don’t know, loneliness? True, I have family and I do have friends (although work, et al does come between us more often than not and makes interaction rather difficult and primarily confined to social media), but I guess there is always this hole that is left unfilled which is where a paramour is meant to reside. Now, although I said that perhaps I was ‘used to’ this situation, I don’t exactly mean that anyone can become ‘used to’ anything like this, but routine does eventually become part of one’s life, as it has mine; living alone, eating alone, drinking alone. Maybe on one hand I do wish that I might find someone who could love me. Believe me, I’ve looked, in this city at least. But I know this is just a pipe dream; a childhood fantasy; I’m an adult, and because of that I know there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Now, I guess one could argue that I am, maximum, 24 years of age, and a minimum of 22 (I don’t like revealing the actual digits); I probably shouldn’t be such a depressing individual. But I am not going to waste my time looking for something that doesn’t exist and I am not going to drag anyone else down with me. For those who believe there is someone out there for everyone, they must also believe that some people are destined to be alone, and I am pretty sure I fall into that category. I made my decision; I accepted my fate, and now I have to live with it. Sorry if that sounds depressing. Believe it or not, I don’t think I am terribly depressed in reality though.

7. Sweet or savoury?
Depends on my mood

 8. Do you believe in Karma?
No, but I believe in luck, or perhaps a lack thereof. I would like to think that for all of the bad luck one receives, an equal amount of good luck needs to happen, and when something good transpires, something bad inevitably needs to occur to ensure equilibrium.

9. What’s your favourite comedy film?
I don’t have one; I have several, (in alphabetical order) Bad Eggs, Beverly Hills Cop, Big Trouble in Little China, Blue State, Blue Streak, (the) Breakfast Club, Elf, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, (the) In-Laws, Just Buried, Love Actually, Love Happens, Sergeant Bilko…there’s probably a few more but I can’t quite remember them right now  😀

10. Fantasy or sci-fi?
Def Sci-Fi! Lasers, flying ships and foxy alien chicks! I am so there!

Now, the ten things about myself…

One: I read once on the Facebook page of an up and coming psychologist that she believed approximately 92% of guys wished women would make the first move when it came to relationships. I totally agree! In fact, I’m one of the 92%! Why don’t women ask guys out? They know what they want – what’s stopping them from going out and getting it?

Two: I’m a massive video gamer. When I’m not playing video games, I’m playing video games, and when I’m not playing video games, well, I’m probably doing something else

Three: I have a high calibre of respect for intellect

Four: I have a thing for jewellery – traditional, metal, silver, gothic – you name it, I’m into it

Five: I’m kind of anti-social and I don’t like large crowds – they have a tendency to freak me out

Six:  I often respond well to bribes

Seven: I know two languages; English and bad English – I don’t have the mandatory intellect to succinctly learn more

Eight: I’m a published poet, although funnily enough, I’ve never been published in my home country. Don’t ask me why, although if I were to speculate, I would assume that other countries often have more publishing and anthology houses than Australia does, so are able to accept my trash, whereas Australia has so few houses related to the publishing of poetry and prose, et al, that they must be more strict with the pieces they accept and thus, only have room for ‘the best’. Often ‘the best’ revolves around pieces that are about Australia, and I (and anyone familiar with my blog will know this) more often than not attempt to avoid the subject of my home country for a find it a very difficult and albeit sometimes ludicrous topic to write about, and thus stick to depressing soporific romantic pieces, which traditionally never become published in Australia.

Nine: I can’t dance. Well, truth be told I haven’t tried in quite a while, so maybe my body spontaneously learnt how to one night while I slept? Doubtful, but still…the way I see it, the only time I will ever dance again is the day the world ends. Not because I am happy – but because I won’t have to worry about embarrassing myself or looking stupid because it’s not like there’s going to be anyone around to remember it.

Ten: I sometimes look morose. Not because I am morose, well, I kind of am, but whenever I smile, I kind of look like a psychopathic killer. So don’t mistake my moroseness for genuine moroseness – I might actually be happy, or at least a little bit!?

Okay, now for my nominations: I’m going to be honest with you – I might be following quite a number of blogs, but I am a little too, what’s the word I’m looking for, lazy (?) to nominate ten potential bloggers. So instead, anyone who reads this post and wants the award, it is yours!

Now, for the ten questions for the nominees to answer…

One: Do you really have the time to answer pointlessly boring questions like these?

Two: You are at home, and suddenly everything, technological dies; your laptop, the internet, your phone, your i-pod, your microwave, you name it, it is offline! This continues for 106 hours. What do you do over the course of these hours to occupy your time?

Three: XBOX One or PS4?

Four: What countries around the globe have you travelled to? Whether you have/haven’t, what countries would you like to travel to in the future?

Five: Would you rather assault the alien mother-ship or delve into the dragon’s den? Why?

Six: What is your favourite food group?

Seven: What is your favourite word?

Eight: What is/are your favourite animal/animals?

Nine: Would you rather be filthy rich and have the opportunity to procure anything and everything with the exception of romantic companionship, or would you rather be economically alright (but with a probable financial collapse sometime in your future) and happily and madly in love?

Ten: We currently live in a post-colonial society. Although a great deal of violence and unfathomable distress, both cultural and emotional was inevitably caused by colonialism, do you personally believe that colonialism is a negative occurrence in humanity’s history?

 

Again, thank you to Billieazahir (AKA The Eye) for the Liebster Blogger Award!

Have a great day everyone!

Cheers!  😀

A Feeling Too Far

This face – scorched by the sun;
these hands – tarnished by work;
this heart – broken with pain,
my love – bedridden with sorrow;
is there no second coming? Is there no tomorrow?

Am I doomed for failure?
Am I the odd man out?
Is this my punishment
for being alive today?

What is life if it’s not lived in?
What is death if it comes too soon?
What is heartbreak if it is forever?
What is the night sky without her moon?

Like the night my blood is black
and like a train wreck my heart is broken.
I have tried desperately to speak up,
but my heart always remains unspoken.

Where does this infinitude of pain come from?
Why has it chosen to latch upon me?
Why can’t the past remain the past?
Perhaps cuz I can’t stop reminiscing over the memory.

I remember quite clearly;
I did not join with you,
I fell in love with you;
my heart demanded that you be mine.

I needed you like muscle needs flesh;
like a pair of lungs need oxygen;
like a vein needs a river of blood;
like a heart needs a lover to hold onto.

I only wish in our final moments,
when we said our final failed goodbyes,
that you had kissed my pain stained lips,
and allowed me to live just once before I died.

And died I did, but not in the arms of my beloved.
I lay motionless on cold wooden floor, looking at an afterlife
that was ready to rip the heart right out from my chest,
from the knowledge that you were not destined to be my future wife.

However, I fear the feelings still remain;
feelings that have gone too far;
that have outlasted their expiration date,
for I continue to be ravenous for your passion,
because as long as my heart beats for you, I am not dead yet.

You, Me and 2013

On the 31st of December
I reminisce and I remember
over everything that happened this past year.
I sit back in my chair and I shed a tear,
that falls unlike forgiveness from my eye,
and all of a sudden I start to cry
because I simply cannot stand to lose.
I had a chance, one that I did abuse,
and now I am left all alone and afraid
on the night of celebrations and parades
that mark the start of something good.
I should be happy, yes I should,
and I realise I’m so often negative.
All of the love in my heart that I had to give
I gave away a little too easily
to a young woman who could never love me,
and now, the only thing that I can possibly believe,
is there’s no one else alive so alone on New Year’s Eve.
This here is my punishment for being such a fool,
and although it may seem undeniably cruel
I deserve all the pain I receive.
Lovers come, and lovers always leave,
it’s a solemn truth I have come to terms with this night.
Yet, not everything is wrong, something must have gone right,
for I am with a trustworthy soul who understands what I mean;
yes, it is you, my friend Mr Blog; you, me and 2013.

Happy New Year’s Peeps!

It’s that time again it would seem to celebrate the end of a year that has come and gone and celebrate the New Year that is dawning.

It seems only yesterday that I was watching the dazzling fireworks display and listening to loud, popular music that had marked the year with a few of my friends.

Now, I’m not much of a huge party goer, but I’ll do my best to celebrate the year that was in a style that is especially stylin’ for me. That would include:

-staying up all hours until the dawn erupts (even if I decided not to, the sounds of all the other parties happening would prevent me from getting’ any shut eye)

-listening to a lot of music

-looking up at the many firework displays happening in my area

-hanging with a group of my friends at my place, rather than at some cramped bar or packed night club

-watching the Sydney fireworks display on TV

-consuming a little more alcohol than I honestly should be

I know, probably not the most celebrative occurrence, and most def not the best way to go out with the year, but as I previously mentioned – not the biggest party animal.

I would like to thank all of those who have read the pieces on this blog of mine; who have liked my posts and followed me throughout this journey. I began this blog at the end of the last year and am now celebrating my one year anniversary this month. Thank you for your support and for your contributions and I hope to read more of your pieces in the coming year.

Thank you again for coming on this journey with me, and I hope you all have a Happy New Year – or perhaps one a little more exciting than mine. Then again, I’m not very excitable – except when it’s in regards to se-, no, not going to go there.

In the coming year I may not be able to contribute as much to this blog as I have previously. Next year I will be starting my Post Graduate degree, and according to the information I can find, it’s going to be, in but a word – a bitch. Basically, if I want to get me self some good grades I am going to need to place most of my attention into my work, which shall mean that this blog may not garner as much attention as it should.

Again, thank you for going on this journey with me. It has been fun, and we should def do it again sometime.

Cheers!

And remember, have a drink on me!

Happy New Year!

Poetry Competition!

Hello bloggers & readers.

I am not sure that I have ever mentioned this, but I am a volunteer with the Melbourne Poets Union. For more information on the union, please visit this fellow WordPress site:

http://melbournepoetsunion.wordpress.com/

What I will tell you is that the Melbourne Poets Union (MPU for short) is involved in preserving, practicing and providing poetry to Australians and to the world.

Now, at the moment we are running our annual competition. This year the poetry competition is being judged by Australian poet and academic scholar Dr. Homer Rieth, who we are very proud to have judging this event.

The submitted poems are to have 50 lines or less, and can be on any theme.

Each poem submitted however does require both an entry form (that can be found at this link):

http://home.vicnet.net.au/~mpuinc/MPU/Competitions.html

and additionally requires a sum of either: $9 for 1 poem, $16 for 2 poems or $22 for 3 poems

Those who enter the competition go in to not only have their work published and have the opportunity to perform their work on stage (if you live in a country where it is not convenient to come all the way to the place Down Under then you do not have to), but go in to the draw to win $1,000 for first prize, $300 for second and $200 for third, with additional prizes been provided to those who are credited as Highly Commended pieces.

This competition is not only for Australians, so please, wherever you may be, if you wish to submit, we would love to read your work!

Thank you for reading, and to all the poets, rhymesters and other talented poetic writers out there, I hope you consider submitting!

If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask via the comment section at the end of this post!

Thank you again!

Below is a flyer for the competition:

one of several flyers being used to market the poetry competition. Again, I urge you to consider entering if you absolutely love poetry

A Versatile Blogger? Me? Really? Apparently so…

Hello everyone! This is not the usual time that I upload posts, but I was just nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award! http://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com/

My nominator… Nelli…whose blog can be found here; http://nelsville.wordpress.com/

If you are not following this young lady, I indeed recommend you do so.

Thank you Nelli!

As I am sure you have realised, I am not good with links, so I’m just gonna place all the sites across this page. Unfortunately it would seem that I am not as computer literate as I would like to think I am…

Now, after receiving this award I am supposed to say seven things about myself…and I am to nominate fifteen other bloggers that I really appreciate. So, without further ado, the seven things about me;

1: I state in my ‘about’ section that I go by a pseudonym. The name I go by is ‘Derek Childs’, however my real name is ‘Nicholas’, and you are not getting my last name I am afraid!

2: My favourite music includes pop, rock and country, and I am especially fond of the eighties. My favourite bands/performers (in no particular order) include;
-1927
-Backstreet Boys
-Bon Jovi
-Bruce Springsteen
-Daughtry
-Garth Brooks
-Hooters
-IceHouse
-John Kougar Mellencamp
-Joshua Kadison
-Katy Perry
-Lifehouse
-Lonestar
-Meatloaf
-Michael Jackson
-Mr. Mister
-Pink
-Rick Springfield
-Richard Marx
-Roxette
-Simple Plan
-Switchfoot
-Taylor Swift
and a few others that I may regret not putting up on this list later.

3: I’m in my final year of my undergraduate university course, and would like to next year continue to study and do a post graduate course (majoring in professional writing), acquire my Masters, and then hopefully a Doctorate.

4: I don’t have an all time favourite film. But here are forty three that I really enjoy. Again, I will probably regret not mentioning a couple, and I hope I survive the reprisal from some of the ones that I do mention:
-A Walk to Remember
-An Unfinished Life
-Avatar
-Big Fish
-Big Trouble in Little China
-Boogey Man 1-3
-City of Industry
-Con Air
-Die Hard 1-4
-Event Horizon
-Fast and the Furious franchise
-First Blood Part II
-Final Fantasy : the Spirits Within
-Grease
-Hellraiser 1-8
-High School Musical (I know, I know!)
-Highlander
-House on Haunted Hill
-John Carter
-Love Actually
-Love Happens
-Mercenary for Justice
-Pulp Fiction
-Rogue
-Rush Hour 1 and 2
-Serendipity
-Serenity
-Shakespeare in Love
-She’s all that
-Shooter
-Star Wars, all six amazing episodes
-the Chronicles of Riddick
-the Craft
-the Crow (the original with Brandon Lee)
-the Crow: Wicked Prayer (the fourth instalment)
-the Matrix 1-3
-the Mothman Prophecies
-the Rocky Horror Picture Show
-the Thing
-Today you Die
-True Romance
-Tron Legacy
-Waterworld

5: I don’t know if I ever mentioned this, but I am a huge video gamer. At my place I have this theatre-like system, where my computer, PS3 and XBOX 360 are all hooked up to an attractive HD 3D TV, and due to this, I on occasion throw LAN parties at my house where friends of mine come over and we kill each other in multiplayer matches. I will not begin to mention all of the titles that I enjoy. Suffice to say that the Doom franchise, the F.E.A.R franchise, the Halo franchise and the Mass Effect franchise all make the final cut.

6: I like cooking. I have never believed that it should be the job of the woman to do all the cooking like a few of the blokes I have known in my life have often insinuated. In fact, when I was younger I used to try and throw my mother out of the kitchen and do the cooking myself. You can just tell by my saying this that I am totally running out of things that I feel comfortable admitting to…

7: A friend of mine asked where I get inspiration to write poetry for, and I guess I shall explain this. Often my inspiration is drawn from real life women who I either know or just happen to meet.
For instance, the piece ‘the way it ought to be’ I wrote about a young woman I saw on the train one Monday afternoon. I was struck by her physical beauty and so incorporated her into the poem. The description of the woman in the piece (apart from the birthday theme that surrounds it) is an accurate articulation of what she looked like. The piece ‘unloved’ I wrote about a woman I saw at the university over the course of a minute. I walked behind her and suddenly thought a rather sexualised reference – and she turned around as though she knew what I was thinking!
‘Hard to Admit I love you’ was actually written about someone in one of my university classes. If you have not read this, I recommend that you don’t – it has more sexual references than a porno.
Additionally, the piece ‘Metropolis Me’ was written about a hypothetical romance between me and my celeb crush, of whom I am not going to mention on this site.
In the series ‘untitled Beauty’ I wrote those pieces about the image of an Aayla Secura (Jedi Master from Star Wars episodes 2 and 3) lookalike that I saw on the internet.
Pieces the likes of ‘where thy Wilhelmina without love’, ‘driving down the motorway’ and ‘gold vs. green’ however are not written about anyone in particular and I simply made them up as I went along.
Now, there is one other place where I happen to meet women, kind of, that allows me access to inspiration; WordPress herself. I can say that yes, I have written one piece on this blog, ‘I have a crush on you’, that is indeed about a woman that I am following that I think I may have even fallen in love with. Simply put Nelli, if you are reading this right now, allow me to state…you do something as nice as provide to me a nomination for an award again – and I’ll probably end up writing a poem about you…

Now, the fifteen bloggers that I nominate the Versatile Blogger Ward to (in alphabetical order):

-Between fear and love

http://betweenfearandlove.com/

Cheers!:

http://yanaamari.wordpress.com/

Coco J. Ginger:

http://courtingmadness.wordpress.com/

-Game complain repeat

http://playstationkw.wordpress.com/

-J D Gallagher:

http://jdgallagher.wordpress.com/

-Jennifer Stuart

http://enjoylifeforonce.wordpress.com/

Jodi Ambrose:

http://jodiambroseblog.com/

Know the Sphere:

http://knowthesphere.wordpress.com/

-Maggie Mae

http://maggiemaeijustsaythis.wordpress.com/

-Meet me in Medias Res:

http://ljoysharkey.wordpress.com/

-Read and Cook

http://readncook.wordpress.com/

-Silver Poetry

http://silverpoetry.wordpress.com/

Slapppshot:

http://slapppshotblog.com/

-True Love Junkie:

http://truelovejunkie.com/

-Valarie Loves Writing

http://valerieloveswriting.wordpress.com/

Okay, well, thank you again Nelli for the award – much appreciated!

Thank you for reading, and I hope all of you have a nice day – or night as the case is for me.

Sincerely and with kind regards,

Derek Childs

So good so far, but what’s next?

Derek Childs, sometimes referred to as Totalovrdose here!

I recently realised something…this is the eight month anniversary of this blog!

I really would like to thank all of the people who have either read, liked, followed or commented on my pieces. I appreciate your contribution, your encouragement and your presence upon this blog.

When I began to write this blog, I had no expectations of where it would take me or what would happen. I just wanted to have an outlet to blast out my poetry, prose and ideas that came flying forth from my mind for I was sick of having all of it piling up in there.

This has been quite the ride I do believe, and I am quite thankful for the enjoyment I have gained from it. At times I am kind of uncertain about the internet for I find it a little freaky, but using Word Press has proven to be quite the experience.

I have found some pretty awesome blogs online and have read some pretty extraordinary pieces too, both of which would have been denied to me if I had not joined this network.

The following link goes to my other blog where I have attached a post where I talk about my views on poetry in general and I mention some pretty awesome poetic blogs:

http://wp.me/p2tQ7q-14

Additionally, at the link below is another post in which I talk about some of the blogs that I would recommend following. Although, keep in mind if I did not mention your blog, it ain’t because you ain’t awesome, it’s simply cuz there was not enough room to name all of them!

http://wp.me/p2tQ7q-21

So, this is me thanking all those who have visited.

I don’t exactly know what else is in store for me, and I’m not to sure I would want the surprise to be spoilt, but I’ll just have to see where the road and the wind takes me.

The post I intend to put up after this one is supposed to be a poetic piece that looks back at the times I have experienced through writing and the times I have gained from this blog, although I am not at all certain that it really turned out that way…

Anyway, I’ll see all of you in the future (well, not literally, or is it literally cuz technically blogs are pieces of literature…) as I continue to do my best to write kick ass pieces for as long as I possibly can.

Derek Childs, signing off…

Unconditional

SYNOPSIS: Outline, of what one can only hope to be the start of a beautiful romance. May contain a sexual reference or two.

Drum roll please. A beautiful woman sits there at the bar, like she often does, drinking an ice cool margarita.
I say to my friend ‘do you dare, do you dare, do you dare go talk to that beautiful, light brown skinned signorina?’
He dares, yes he dares do that which so many people believe cannot be done. He dares, yes he dares to do the unthinkable,
and go talk to that lady, yes, that lady, you know the one, who is in every possible way beyond this world beautiful.
He stammers, he stutters, he looks like a fool, before he finds his perfect line; the one that gets ‘em every time,
but not this time, I however fear, for she ain’t the kind of gal to be captured by a mesmerising rhyme.
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, screw you buddy, I ain’t that kind of girl, no I am not, it’s just hearsay.
Don’t believe everything you hear’ she explains, ‘don’t do nothing stupid, don’t do nothing that’s gonna piss me off today,
cuz if I need a man, I need a gentleman, and he had better be the kind of man I can settle down with and live beside,
cuz I’ve lost a lot in my past lives. I’ve lost friends, I’ve lost family, and the one thing I can’t afford to lose no more is my pride.’

Damn! My boy has been shot down in flames; he’s burnin’ in the centre of the bar. His head, it is just so red, I don’t think he’s comin’ back from that one. Whoa! What a bust,
but I have to say, if that beautiful lady cannot be won over by his flattery and by his words then I’ve certainly gotta have her, oh yes I must,
for there is more to her than meets the eye. I’ve a craving for someone like her, someone whose description defies the realms of Heaven, Hell and Earth;
someone who was destined to be the Queen of Aces, to be every little thing that she could ever truly be from the moment of her birth.
‘Is it so wrong?’ I enquire aloud, ‘to think and to dream, of this fabulous, tattooed blue eyed black girl?
Is it wrong, to want to take her, and give to her everything, yes, everything, including the whole wide world’,
for this young lady, she is so much like the sun, an ultra violet, that she is just so colourful. Cuz of this, she defies all meaning of black and white,
and my feelings for her they begin to show, and in doing, become so wild, so vivid and so passionate, I fear they could instantaneously ignite
and in all the countries of the world we reside upon there would not be any kind of extinguisher
that could ever put out this beating heart of mine as it burns for her, and only her, its blazing fire.

Looking at her I shall admit never have I laid my eyes on such a splendid sight, never have I felt so good,
not even when I was living back in my mother country, residing in the comfort of my own neighborhood
did I ever feel this way. I remember looking at all of the beautiful women, back in Australia,
and not one of them ever made me feel the way this young lady does, this young lady who lives in America.
It is almost quite funny, for this world seems to no longer be on the right side up, for shouldn’t I love an Australian? Apparently, not in the world of upside down,
where found is always inexplicably lost, and lost is always remarkably found. Where depressed frowns are frequently terrific smiles, and terrific smiles are great depressed frowns,
for this young lady, this national icon, she is the view I have come to love, the view I love the most,
the view I will very easily come to cherish forever and ever on the entire east coast.
However, the world has a way of making even the most splendid of occurrences turn sour. Once men, women and children, now, all but monsters.
This is the unfortunate fate of all who have and had once, and are to have, experienced a lifetime of love, enjoyment, family and laughter.

I feel sorry for those souls, and feel solace for the woman before me as she says ‘be not only but the bastard who did me wrong,
but the young man, the one of whom I dream will one day discover me, my one and only, who would do me right with his righteous love song.’
‘I ain’t certain I can give you that’ I say, ‘I ain’t gonna try to be nothing I am not, for I ain’t perfect, of that I am sure,
but I fear I have become a taxing riddle in a poem that no one in their right mind wishes to bear witness to anymore.
In your eyes however I long for my redemption, and to grant to you a flawlessly sounding orchestra
that is to be my voice, talking from my heart as it beats eternally for you, wishing to be your lover.
So young lady, if you would please just listen to my voice, you might just hear my rhyme,
whilst I explain my soul intention on how I will love you for the rest of time.’
For as I stand next to her, I feel just so honored, I feel just so blessed. I can hear myself beside myself,
and I cannot wait to give to her all my love forever which is comparative to all of this world’s wealth.

‘So if you leave, wait up for me girl, because walking behind you I am, and more importantly, here I come.
I will have you know, I am loved by certain people, whilst on the other hand I may indeed be loathed by some.’
This however is but the nature of the game. ‘Think of me only as a man with several masks – one looks just so happy, the other, not so much,
but in the end I am nothing more than but a boy, pathetically little, foolish, terrified even, who is cursed with an insatiable crush.’
‘Don’t look at me with those glass eyes’ she says, with a great glass of bourbon in her hand. ‘This ain’t the time or place.
On top of this, that moustache, it ain’t foolin’ no one, so get it off, please get it off, get if off your face!
You needn’t ever look to me for permission, for guidance, for no such thing, for I ain’t your mother
fu-, I ain’t your flesh and blood sister, your great aunt, your high priestess, your biblical queen or your lover,
so please sir, leave me alone, for this ain’t the time for fun and foreplay, cuz I ain’t comin’ home with you tonight’
and I say, ‘I don’t need foreplay, I just need to be with you’ and then I ask, ‘is this honestly alright?’

‘If you want some action’ she says, ‘you’d better put your hands onto your dick,
and find yourself a good porno website pronto and quickly double click
on the movie that gets your chest pumpin’ and heart racin’.’ ‘Like I said’ I begin, ‘I don’t need anything like that, and I can understand if this seems kinda strange.’
‘You do, do you?’ asks the young woman as I shrug my head. ‘Actually no’ I say, ‘but you have to admit, there is every opportunity something’s gonna change.
I would like to think that change came walking through those double doors to stand before you now, and that such a change might just be
this young man, because I know what my heart is saying, and it is tellin’ out loud for all to hear; ‘girl, you get to me.’
In turn, I can hear your heart, and it ain’t as hardened as you would gladly have others believe. True, you may feel tortured, from a life that to me is blind, but your heart longs for me to kiss your lips
and I long to do so too, and this intense feeling of unshakable lust does not wish to go away for it feels just as I do now that such would be the beginning of a onetime trip
of my life.’ To this you calmly reply, after taking a swig ‘please, don’t kiss me, I don’t think I could take another lover no more,
for my heart is still in excruciating agony from my last deserter, and my unforgiving soul is still quite very sore.

I truly doubt’ she continues, ‘that you have ever been burned.’ ‘Don’t presume to know me’ I reply in response, ‘for you would be wrong. I have in fact been burnt,
several times in fact, but that was not the lesson I was to learn. True love will come again for you, and so here I am, and that is the lesson to be leant.
I know what I do long for, and I know the difference between fake and truth, which means this has to be real,
for if the love pounding in my chest was not, such a romantic storyline would not be what I do feel
for you. It’s like, better than anything you have ever experienced, better than anything that I know. It’s like, more than what I long for, it’s like this;
an unforgotten romantic fairytale beyond your wildest dreams and that’s what I long to give to you when I provide from my lips to yours, our first kiss.’
I remember when I first saw her, several weeks ago. I thought she was looking at him, then I thought she was looking at them, but no, she was looking at me.
Was she really? That is a question I have always wondered, but it has not prevented my heart from concocting scenarios, believing it was meant to be.
It feels like it happened years ago, and at the same time yesterday. Back then, I felt, the moment I looked upon her luscious face, that I must have travelled into an illusion, into a world unseen,
for women as beautiful as her could never be real. It turns out that I was wrong, something I am proud to admit, and to this day, you still look like the woman I fell in love with; like a beauty queen.

The Gods gave me the option of choice. They allowed me to pick the woman who was to be the girl of my dreams,
and that girl I wished for, the same one I stand beside now I humbly admit is her, it always was it seems.
Like all of the others she was beautiful, she was smart, she was so funny and cute,
but she had something else that made all of these qualities so undeniably moot;
she had me wrapped around her slender wedding finger, like an exotic diamond ring,
another accessory I was; another piece of jewelry, a piece of bling-bling,
and just like that, she had me right from the start with her words, and her mesmerising blue eyes;
something that filled the empty void inside me for the first time with a marvelous surprise,
but the one quality she had that bested all of these, the one thing that matters when push comes to shove,
is her unflinching, unbreakable, unbelievable, forever faithful, unconditional love.

Hello World!

Hello, and welcome to Totalovrdose.

These pages incorporate the poetry and short stories written by unpublished wannabe author and poet Derek Childs.

To find out additional information about this site and the author, please feel free to venture forth towards the ‘about’ section of this site.

Any poetic works or pieces of prose are randomly situated within this page.

Thank you for reading. Any constructive criticism you wish to provide is always greatly appreciated, and I moreover hope you enjoy reading these pieces as much as I enjoyed writing them.

Please return if you enjoyed what you read, for I will do my best to keep posting more up. As long as there is no limit to my imagination, then there shall be no limit to the poems and short stories found on this site.

With that, I welcome you once more, and thank you again for venturing to this site. ENJOY!

DC out!