Author Archives: totalovrdose
I became concluded
a second later than I should have,
and the desire that scolded
my physical self became disillusioned
in a time not long before it needed dismantling.
I always asked the wrong question,
and in doing so, I received no answer
capable of stemming the pain
that leaked from within my heart.
Perhaps to relieve myself
of my own sense of hopelessness,
I tried to imagine a non-existent future
far brighter than the one
my life already occupied,
and in doing so, I forgot the disheartening truth;
some people are destined only for loneliness.
This did not bring me any closer
to a happy conclusion,
but it certainly enabled my eyes to open
each day onto the truth of a new morn,
without being suckered into the belief
that someone of great value
awaited me the moment this shallow verse
ceased to be written, the proceeding quest
being not for love, an emotion barred to me,
but to find a ladder to a better life
worthy of clinging onto.
It has been a while since I was blessed with an award, but this dry spell has officially ended. Recently, the quirkiest quirky girl ever (whose blog can be found at the following link: http://diaryofaquirkygirl.wordpress.com/) nominated me for the One Lovely Blog Award! Thank you Ma’am!
Now, apparently I am supposed to link to my nominator’s blog (check), show the award on my blog (check), nominate fifteen other bloggers (on my to do list), and additionally, I am meant to share seven riveting facts about myself…Well, in that case, sit back, and prepare to have your minds blown (not really).
Super Amazing Fact 1: I am quite the Anime fan, my favorites been Ghost in the Shell (I have a massive crush on the Major) (also, I recently pre-ordered Arise) and Appleseed (which I have the entire collection of, including the original 1989 version, the movie adaptions of the TV series, and the recent addition, Alpha). I also quite enjoy Patlabor, the Aquarion series, STR.A.IN, Star Wars Clone Wars, Shangri-La, and the animated adaptions of video games, including Halo Legends, Mass Effect Paragon Lost, Dead Space Downfall and Aftermath, and Dragon Age Dawn of the Seeker. I believe I enjoy animated features and shows because often many of the lead protagonists are comprised of very powerful female characters, who are not only capable of kicking ass, but are realistically portrayed.
On a side note, I also enjoy Red vs. Blue, and have the ten years of Red vs. Blue box set.
Super Amazing Fact 2: Presently, I am in my final semester of my Postgraduate Masters course. Part of me will be glad when this is officially over because the 15,000 word thesis is kicking me in places I don’t like being kicked. What I find most annoying, is that every time I speak with my adviser, there are brand new criticisms he wishes to bring to my attention; criticisms that were non-existent the last time, and so I need to take these into account and make further amendments. For instance, one week he would say how a paragraph is great, and the next time, that same unedited paragraph, is suddenly not worth keeping. I mean, come on Doc! Make up your mind already!
However, I am unsure where I wish to go from here; should I (if I have the required grades) go on to do my doctorate (which would assist me in becoming a tutor at university), or should I do a Master of Teaching (which would grant me the ability to teach at secondary schools)?
Super Amazing Fact 3: I recently changed internet providers. I have been using Optus for, well, years actually, and I have been impressed with the service thus far (on most occasions), however the 15 gigabyte a month plan I had was beginning to feel restrictive, and now I have access to unlimited internet for a cheaper price. This has especially come in handy with my copy of Destiny on Xbox One (at present I’m a level 24 Blade Dancer) . On that note, are there any bloggers online (who I happen to know) that play Destiny? When it comes to temporarily teaming up with random strangers, it might actually be nice to have some kind of history with the players.
Super Amazing Fact 4: When it comes to movies, I don’t have a particular genre preference – I will often try anything if it looks even moderately appealing. When it comes to reading on the other hand, I can very rarely stand contemporary fiction, especially the Australian variety, where often life in the country seems to be a major theme, which does nothing to impress me in the slightest. When writing my own material however, especially prose or novels, I have a tendency to enjoy developing science fiction oriented pieces, which is a problem in Australia when it comes to looking for a publisher. Although magazines like Aurealis accept submissions of speculative fiction, larger publishers rarely do, with many of the literary agents and/or publishers that ever did accept such work either going out of business, or since adjusting their preferences regarding the type of work they choose to endorse/publish.
Super Amazing Fact 5: I have an avid fascination with jewellery. Apart from a watch, I almost always have at least two other wrist bands on (one of which is my medic alert bracelet – wouldn’t want to forget that), and on top of this, I never leave home without a necklace. I have pierced ears, with two rings in my left and one in my right, which I often swap. On occasions when I go out (for instance, next week I’ll be attending a poetry reading in the city), I wear much larger designs, two of which are these massive skulls with bright red eyes.
Super Amazing Fact 6: I don’t have many male friends; most of my friends happen to be gals. Most guys I know outside of the net talk either about cars (the only time I care about cars is when the one I’m in stops working) or AFL (which I used to enjoy, and I even played football on occasion (not professionally of course), but, kicking an oddly shaped red ball from one side of the field to the next just doesn’t really do it for me). The reason I mention this, is because I have in the past become attracted to some of my friends; in fact, my last girlfriend was actually a best friend of mine. Obviously men and women can be friends, this is a proven fact, however for me, sometimes I think that perhaps a man wakes up one day and realizes the young lady he has been searching for has been beside him all along. I guess the point I’m making is that if you’re a young woman who happens to be a friend of mine, one day (unless you’re married), I might just happen to fall in love with you. You have been warned!
Super Amazing Fact 7: None of these super amazing facts have been really super amazing, and even I am thoroughly disappointed by that.
After the reveal of these super amazing facts, my mission goal is to nominate 15 other people. Okay then, without further ado (cliche’ I know), allow me to say – I have no intention of nominating anyone. I literally follow hundreds of people on WordPress! Am I really expected to pick 15 bloggers? What about the other few hundred lovely blogs that I don’t nominate? So, allow me to say, if you have a lovely blog and you happen to read this text, if you want the One Lovely Blog Award, it is yours! I don’t want to miss out on nominating someone who deserved the award, and I am certain if you are reading this, you are as deserving of it as anyone else.
Thank you for stopping by guys! And thank you again to the Quirky Girl for this nomination. Have a great day!
The sun set on my heart
for the first time this summer,
the colder season immediately approaching
without warning or intent;
an occurrence I never did see coming
until I was drowning
in a storm of ice and frost,
the fires going out
before time could officially be counted.
Every minute left undedicated
to the search for your heart,
renders littler chance of settling
beside you. I will not be resolved
of my guilt ridden pain and jealousy
should I fail in this accomplishment,
lusting to take you close and whisper
pleasing affections into your soul.
How I have longed, perhaps even for eternity,
to caress the desires of your passion
with my own, and to rid your bright eyed
vision of any other paramour
who would dare harass my chances
of becoming yours. Despite any greater
distances that may lie ahead,
I stand determined before the trespass
of time, to battle willingly the sparring
opposition. On the eve of this fortunate
recovery, would you look to me
with kindness, and a heart of virtuous
faith in my unlimited romance,
or will you shake with an ominous rhythm,
and instead acknowledge the love
of a certain nameless soul,
nearer to yourself?
A reading of this poem can be found at the following link: http://youtu.be/_hU1QkLN1ak Thanks for visiting!
When waiting for love, like a bitter disorder,
the haunting loneliness cascades
across the temperate peaks of one’s imagination,
delivering a crushing blow
to all that was wishful affection.
Internally, in my dreams, I hear her whisper words
of much intensity, which drift, like sandpaper,
across the bruised perimeter of my heart,
and upon awakening, my arms
around an always invisible desire,
her name rolling across my tongue;
a name she never hears.
We write and we talk, and frequently
I am forced to pretend that what I feel is non-existent,
and by the time she and I have the courage
to be prescribed that adoring conversation,
the wait which filled the abyss between us
became too steep, and she has found
another, better heart, whereas I am left behind.
A reading of the poem can be found at the following link: http://youtu.be/zuHWdy4JrUo
Maybe we ought to smash all mirrors
if our fractured reflections
fail to expose the truth.
The supernatural rip cord
attached to this submersible called life
should return us to the plane
where eyes accurately see us most.
But happiness is sadly not the conclusion
promised to us all, with many destined
to relive a certain failure for infinity,
that is always dressed in different clothes.
There was a time
I would soak tear drops
in a napkin,
but now, the nostalgia
has become so morose,
are unable to ascertain
the complexity of my agony,
and the grieving turmoil
is thus, unable
to be conveyed
on a physical scope.
a depleted vial of energy
does not know happiness,
and escape from this delirium
to feeling love again.
I would wipe away my tears
with a quivering hand
upon the end of romance
if I did happen to enjoy it,
but, truthfully, I do not like
being in love. To experience
an emotion is to lose
complete control, feelings
encasing a heart in ideas
never once approved of
by the once dominating mind,
now rendered moot
by an all-consuming affair.
Choice is not an option
when it comes to choosing
who we wish to hold against
our heart, and unless every
part of my corporeal self
and soul had a hand
in this decision, never
is it one that I honestly
wish to have bestowed on me.
My want to love you, rendered fiction
forevermore in but a moment,
your words of hollow romance
suffocating the essence of my heart
into a shade of puce. I cannot
ever rectify nor cease the pain
committed unto me by your morose
decision, to slice apart my romantic
pledge with the sudden impact
of your words. Some choices cannot
be taken back, my decision
to open my vulnerable heart
proving to be an adverse action,
exposing that which could
be taken advantage of. Any grace
is fractured and loneliness succumbs
my body in its twisted decadence,
no trace of eternal love remaining
within my severed consciousness.
This plight cannot be justified
by these writings as I attempt
an explanation, and in doing so,
I become conflicted by the truth,
drowned in great misfortune,
that happiness is only meant
for fairy-tales, rather than
the plight of mortal beings.
Make me stone; smooth on outside
like pebble, but internally coarse,
like pumice. Make it, so I may
only understand true love
on an intellectual level;
so I may comprehend why
these feelings are exhibited
from such emotion. Make it,
so I needn’t again suffer
the abysmal torture of heartbreak.
Despite how wonderful
the touch of a paramour
can be, may I be excused
from feeling with my heart again.