A reading of the poem can be found here: http://youtu.be/QfGNCBOKwQo Please enjoy!
Head straight, stand tall, broad shoulders,
shave off all the hair
that is located on your head.
Work out, large muscles, bulging biceps,
they are all out of steroids.
Straight teeth, good eyes,
remove your spectacles, wear contacts.
Tattoos, piercings, resume should list
tonnes of evening experience.
Sociable, polite, but fair,
heroic and entertaining.
Well dressed, wealthy,
Does not sound at all like me.
I’m head lowered, back broken,
shaggy like Wolverine.
I sit back, relax, and work out often –
with a knife and fork.
I’m crooked teeth, bad eyesight,
have half my face covered over by glass.
I’m grungy; I’m underground;
I’m beyond antisocial,
my last date was on a calendar.
I’m baggy jeans and a muscle top,
hanging from my limp shoulders.
I volunteer, I work for free,
I reside in an orphaned slum.
Do women really want
this depressed woe
dangling from their arms?
I’m no Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling,
George Clooney, Chris Evans type.
I’m me, and never shall I be enough
to satisfy the beating heart
of a bachelorette
looking for true love.