The Necessary Lie

I am that terrified man
the people witness upon
the street; haunted by
the potential death of a dream
that he wished to have come
to fruition, but never did receive.
I loved with an unstoppable
emotion, contained within
my heart of hearts, for if you
were a collectable my dear,
like a trading card and such,
never in all my years
would I consider giving you up.
But these feelings, like a specter,
they remain undetected,
because there is a force
so mighty, halting my heart’s
voice from dominating the airwaves.
I do not believe in honesty,
for the truth would hurt
your heart, and instead of seeing
so much clearer around
every turn, you would feel so uneasy
at the thought of laying
eyes on me once more.
Lying may be sinful,
and leave your heart bereft
one day, but tomorrow
it will do nothing short of relieve
you of all pain, so you may
be the woman you were
always destined to become.
To ensure the promulgation
of this eventuality,
I go without the woman
who could do me good,
for you deserve more than
my hand upon your shoulder
or my love within your heart;
you deserve a life of beauty,
and my very existence
is the opposite of everything
I would ever want for you.
And so, with this thought
in mind, I convince myself;
you don’t want my love;
you don’t want me, neither
of which could ever satisfy
your soul. The sparkle
in your eye shall dissipate
when you look to me
with the truth on your mind,
belittling you so, like a morbid
plague, and to avoid
this circumstance, a lie
is thus necessary.

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About totalovrdose

I am an online journalist, video game reviewer, mental health advocate and post graduate university student. I am a massive video gaming geek; a lover of intellectual conversations; an award winning procrastinator; a devilishly charming nuisance and the definition of 'fun' (sometimes). My blog is filled with many a soporific love poem, and is simply the beginning in my quest to become a published author. Please stop by and say 'Hi!' (that rhymes!) :D

Posted on October 3, 2013, in Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. So sad…yet I hear the truth in it. Sometimes even thought there is love…it is not to be. There is much love in letting go 🙂

  2. This piece makes me ache… not only because of the sadness it emits, but also the beauty! Well done, as usual!

  3. I find it difficult to judge art of any form.
    I have read, so far, a few of your poems here, and see the same theme, that you feel unworthy of a woman’s heart. Aside from your words, which are striking, the ease of flow and transition of thought run smoothly, seamlessly. I appreciate the clarity of thought, yet wish to shake some self-esteem into you. Unless this is just a facade and you are truly pulling off a writing stunt, I think your heart and mind alone would make all of Australia’s girls swoon over you.

    • Again, I am very appreciative of your words – in fact I am beginning to doubt that I could possibly express how thankful I am to read such incredibly high praise.
      Thank you for trying to ‘shake some self-esteem into (me)’, however I am afraid that such a task may be a little more difficult than you might imagine.
      Ma’am, pardon me for being so very open, but I have depression, and try as I might to often maintain a somewhat optimistic outlook, I am inevitably often very down and negative about life in general, and so much of what I write is often representative of how I feel.
      Moreover, it has been quite a while since I had a girlfriend, and the idea of, as you put it, being ‘unworthy of a woman’s heart’ comes from this ideology. Also, this may be surprising, and I don’t know if I have ever admitted to this on this blog, but I have never in my life gone out on a date with an Australian woman, so as much as I really enjoy reading your belief that I leave Australian girls swooning, I cannot imagine that happening anytime soon – even though I sorely wish it would!

      • Being old enough to be your mom, I will offer more advice. The depression, it cannot define you, nor shall it define how those around you treat you. Whether in drug therapy or undergoing behavioral or talk therapy, that alone will not judge the course of your future relationships. Certainly, anybody would need to take care and let you be in times when the blues overtake and weigh you down, but love is love and be free to express it and she who loves you back will not truly reduce the depression, but will be there should you choose to turn to her for support.
        Your words paint a picture of a young man who has a heart of gold and the world at his feet… The path is yours to choose, not ever the depression’s. Hold tight. A happy, love-filled life awaits.

      • You’re old enough to be my mum? Wow; I don’t know what you secret is Ma’am, but if I look half as good when I’m the age you are today, I’ll consider my life to be not half bad.
        I don’t disagree with any particular idea that you expressed in this comment Ma’am.
        Regardless of how terrific a person is, if they have depression, although, I agree, such a condition does not define them, I believe it will prevent them from acknowledging any of their beneficial traits, and even if they were to say, compose an amazing piece of literature, the chance they would be able to see it as amazing would be, in my opinion, very limited.
        On top of this, because it often seems that depression is something that is in the minority when in contrast to other conditions, I personally often feel that many people don’t understand such a mental illness, and often terms the likes of ‘freak’, ‘nut’ and ‘crazy’, among far worse words, are used to describe such individuals, because it is almost as though people just know, upon looking at them, that they are different.
        Due to this, although I agree that love is love, I believe that depression is a force constantly getting in the way of life, and no matter how strong I can be, depression will always be stronger. With regards to this, when it comes to relationships, I sometimes question; will I perhaps hurt my potential paramour, not physically, but emotionally; will my depressing feelings be felt by her?
        Maybe I’m over thinking this.
        Thank you again for your kind words and I really appreciate you taking the time to comment.

      • I am 44. I have been lucky with aging. My folks look younger, too. I look maybe ten years younger than what I am, but thanks for the compliment.
        Now, back to you. I was 18 credits away from a masters in psychology before I quit. Doesn’t mean much. Yet, I understand what you are going through. The chemical imbalance doesn’t build sympathy as say asthma or even thyroid disease. You are not crazy and not weird. How many people suffer from the blues, but won’t get a dx of depression because it shames them? A lot. Millions. Depression takes many forms and some people don’t realize they have it.
        Your future girlfriend will love you, warts and all! And if she doesn’t she’s a witch. Your words show the depth of your soul. Keep sharing. Someone will fall in love with you. Never put the carriage ahead of the horse. The depression is a part of you like your eye color. True love will love your eyes and care to see you through when you truly can feel joy. Explaining to her about it, letting her know how you feel during the lows, it will help her through. Love is our best support system.

      • Again Ma’am, thank you for taking the time to comment. Regardless of the 18 credits, your views and opinions are both intellectual and understandable and I agree with your opinions. Again, I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

  4. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    How painful & poetic. How gorgeous. Just gorgeous. My gosh, you’re amazing with your words. I’m not that much into poetry because I don’t so much feel & see what the writer is giving, but your stuff is magnificent.

  1. Pingback: Know that your life is beautiful | PD-inspire

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