I am no one, I am me

Ain’t that title truthful
when articulating
the nothingness
of my life
within the confines
of the room
that I here occupy.

For although I am alone,
I am the father of despair;
I am death incarnate,
and I have
happily come for me.

Unbeknownst is this written woe
upon the brittle page,
as drown within myself I do
inside the windowless room,
which robs me of my oxygen
within a Hell
of my own creation.

I have made my bed
that is cluttered with nails
and nightmarish images,
as all positivity is denied
of its existence.

Hatred and loathing
greet me to no end,
with a dash of disappointment
and unending disgust
accompanying the feelings
of nefarious intent.

These hardened feelings
of exponential pain
engulf my soul
in an ocean of glassy monsters
that my reflection postulates,
without which
shall grant me the option
of becoming
the man I ought to be.

I long to wish away
these feelings,
but fruition will never be granted
upon the hope
that springs forth from my chest.

Although there is an end in sight
from such unrelenting horror
of the mind,
it feels further away
than what it truly is.
This fate reveals itself
once reality steps out
from beyond the curtain
and bites down hard
upon my aching heart.

The longer I reside
within this gruesome environment,
the more I become content
with an alternate resolution
to escape from my unhappiness.

But this cure
is one I cannot accept,
however, what is it I can do
when I have given up
on life itself,
and worse, life,
has given up on me.

 

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About totalovrdose

I am an online journalist, video game reviewer, mental health advocate and post graduate university student. I am a massive video gaming geek; a lover of intellectual conversations; an award winning procrastinator; a devilishly charming nuisance and the definition of 'fun' (sometimes). My blog is filled with many a soporific love poem, and is simply the beginning in my quest to become a published author. Please stop by and say 'Hi!' (that rhymes!) :D

Posted on September 12, 2013, in Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. That was potent. I felt your words deeply the entire way through. Some of the most beautiful writings come from that place of honest vulnerability. Maybe this expresses what you feel right now, maybe what you have felt, or empathy for another…either way, I wish you light.
    Elizabeth

    • Thank you ma’am, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I agree with you that often vulnerable honesty can be responsible for conceiving powerful pieces. Thank you also for the wish of light ma’am; your kindness is much appreciated.

  2. vivid angst
    strong words
    smile

  3. I am hoping that you are writing in dramatica persona for this one – are you? My question is a comment on the impact of the writing.

    Like the twist of the line:
    I am death incarnate,
    and I have
    happily come for me.

    Best to not linger long, in a room without windows. —–Chagall

    • Thank you for the comment. You are not wrong about lingering in dark rooms and I am glad you enjoyed the line twists.
      As I’m sure you know, last week for suicide prevention week and thus was one of the reasons why I wrote a poem on depression. Additionally, I do have depression and I was on some level writing in relation to the way that I feel.
      Your concern is noted Chagall, but is all fine, somewhat.
      Thank you again for the comment.

  1. Pingback: Once is too much!!! | The Velvet Closet of a Lesbian

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