Insufferable Decay

This poem is so dark, you’ll need a torch
to read it; a flicker of fire in
a lightning strike to illuminate the
dark passageways that branch forth from the page.
In a country of fertile happiness,
where the spoils of luck and understanding
are the undying wealth of the people,
who am I to take such an emotion
away from them and replace it with my
own? If the destiny of the many
is to live a life filled with purpose and
solidarity, I for one do not
represent the purveyance of peace and
equality, but of emotional
disdain and decadence from which there is
no escape available to be found.
Although I have discussed these feelings with
those of a ‘professional’ nature
who are supposed to help thee in times of
turmoil and distress, never was a cure
granted to me on a silver platter.
I was given as much acknowledgement
as a pariah, and thus my pain has
grown and grown until it is all I have
become. Lessons are not what are learned for
actions speak much louder, and I have heard
the words of interlopers, and they sound
the same as me. The system is fraught with
problems, but none are able to be solved.
There are no noble heroes in the world
I reside in, there is only me, and
when a man is imprisoned with nothing
else but himself for company, he is
left as empty as a desert wasteland,
and believe me when I say I am a
prisoner – and the loneliness is my
jail cell. Although this prison is without
bars, freedom is not necessarily
granted just by walking out, for where is
one to turn, when dead ends are everywhere?
I have never felt more alone than I
do right now in this very moment as
I write these many words, for I’m forced to
suffer the insufferable decay
of my own humanity keeping me
company until I die. Everyone
has someone it would seem; someone to hug,
to kiss, to love; everyone but me. I
made peace with my many demons a long
time ago, and I became quite content
with the knowledge that I would never find
myself romantic companionship, and
then she happened to walk into my life,
and all of a sudden everything changed.
I came to hope that perhaps I was not
doomed to spend my life alone, but as great
as that hope was, it was nothing more than
a lie of omission, false like Santa
Claus, for she left me, just like everyone
else, and so I was inevitably
dragged back, all the way into the doldrums
depths. With these words written, there is nothing
else for me to do but dry the liquid
that streams forth from my eyes with a tissue
and hope for better days. Have you ever
felt so lonely, that even loneliness
didn’t dare associate with you? Have
you ever felt so lonely you wanted
to kill yourself just to end it all; just
so you could have company, even if
that companion was your own blood lying
beside you rather than inside you? My
musings are that of a broken man, cursed
by loneliness and grief, and because of
this reason I am going to murder
myself today, and I’ll gladly serve my
prison sentence for this crime. This prison
is unlike the one I lived within for
so long now, and is instead alternate
in nature; hypothetical to be
exact, for the dead do not grieve over
the crimes of the living, even if that
is all I care for right now. I cannot
think of another option to erase
the loneliness from my heart. I’m sorry
for my lack of strength, but I cannot stand
the pain, and so must permanently leave.

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About totalovrdose

I am an online journalist, video game reviewer, mental health advocate and post graduate university student. I am a massive video gaming geek; a lover of intellectual conversations; an award winning procrastinator; a devilishly charming nuisance and the definition of 'fun' (sometimes). My blog is filled with many a soporific love poem, and is simply the beginning in my quest to become a published author. Please stop by and say 'Hi!' (that rhymes!) :D

Posted on September 5, 2013, in Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. No worry, the torch is already on! Cheers~ 😀

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