Where I Am Right Now
To the woman I have fallen for,
you know exactly who you are.
I saw you once from across the room,
and without a word,
you had me wrapped around your finger.
Our time together,
although it really wasn’t ‘our time’
and together we certainly never were,
was spent apart,
with an opportunity presenting itself
every so often
for me to take a glimmer of you.
I drew you into me like oxygen,
even when I did not want to,
and I remember thinking
how I wanted you as my own.
Even now, as I try to articulate this into words
it is difficult to fathom,
for you simply were yourself,
just as I simply was attracted to you.
The courage I needed to tell you,
(a woman who is totally out of my league,
for you have made your bed
with those I do not associate with)
that I had been crippled with an infatuation,
and the only cure to what ailed me was your affection,
was beyond my very comprehension.
Of course, I should have realised
you would be unavailable.
I don’t know if you lied,
maliciously or with omission,
it does not matter,
for I promised to respect your answer
and to never bother you again.
I had every intention of obeying
the decision I had conceived,
and could even become accustomed
to never having you at all.
But what I cannot become accustomed to,
is having to see you endlessly once a week,
not a month after I asked
for your affection.
There you are,
every week without fail,
You needn’t say a word,
nor do anything;
your very existence pains me
because until I see you again,
I am free from my feelings for you.
Then, I see you,
and every emotion violently re-enters my heart
and I become overwhelmed
with the burdening knowledge
that never will you feel anything for me.
I cannot move on either,
for no woman could ever compare to you
while a piece of you
remains right here with me,
even after I have tried, without success,
to remove you like poison from a wound.
I know how unhealthy this is,
and I have tried to avoid you,
but every path, inevitably,
leads right back to where I am right now.
There may come a time
when I never see you again,
and I will be so glad for this,
because finally, I shall be free.
But if I ever did see you again,
this I could not take,
and again I would be doomed to feel for you,
a romance that could never in a million years
compare to any other emotion.
I guess what I am trying to say is;
I absolutely loathe you,
just as I loathe myself,
because I unconditionally love you
with all my heart and soul,
and until the day
that neither of us are fated to meet again,
I shall remain,
singularly and hopelessly devoted to you.
On this note,
allow me to write,
I am, if you shall have me,
faithfully forever and always yours.
Sincerely and with kind regards,
the writer of this here verse.
Posted on September 2, 2013, in Poetry and tagged awkward, being in love with someone who cannot love you back, confession, dating, depression, feelings, forever and always, free verse, letter of love, love, love poem, love poetry, pain, poem, poetry, popularity, society. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.