I’m Never Going to be Good Enough for You
SYNOPSIS: The title basically summarises the entire outline of the poem; the notion that someone is ‘out of one’s league’ is the theme of this piece, where the man of whom the poem centres around confesses his undying love for the woman he is infatuated with, knowing full well that he is not deserving of spending an eternity with her because she is far too amazing.
On this particular day, my heart and soul, shall dress totally in black;
figuratively and hypothetically, from now until forever, my heart shall never look back.
For I have made an empty silence, of my heart,
depriving myself of my true love as we begin to part.
Never will you know the way I truly feel,
such ideology originally appearing so surreal.
I begin to hear my heart violently riot and shout
believing this to be the young woman I am not to be without.
And yet in this fantastical reality of my so called life
I know you were never meant to be the mother of my children, nor my wife.
And although I will always terribly miss you,
I know in my heart, I’m never going to be good enough for you.
The sky begins to lose its colour and the sun irreversibly turns to gray,
at least that’s how it feels as I begin to turn my back and walk away.
I don’t know if it’s just the world or if I’m going insane
but I constantly find myself crying out your name.
Perhaps I am too late, but this feeling is running throughout my heart and soul,
I think I learnt what love is, but I’m afraid I let the trail go cold.
I attempt to trick myself to quit feeling the pain inside,
however the pain will break through; it always does, until it reaches the outside.
I know deep down without you I shall never be alright
the one good thing I need, I just can’t have tonight.
If love is anything, I have discovered it is a terrifying race
and in the end I’m constantly, if but lucky – left in second place.
In my mind I have these broken dreams whilst I attempt to sleep,
constantly it’s your face I see, which ultimately makes me weep.
If I could have but one wish I would grant you the gift to see
the roaring emotions I have for you which live inside of me.
However things shall go wrong, they eventually always do,
my soul never been given the ability to belong to you.
But I was so young and naïve when I believed in all of this,
believing I would one day have the chance to taste your forbidden kiss.
When I was young, like everyone else, I felt the sun would always shine
and that inevitably you would, on one glorious day, be mine.
But even if you should leave and completely disappear
a part of you will always remain within me right here.
I sat up on the roof last night and looked up at the stars,
under the cover of the moon I contemplated my life thus far.
As the sky began to change and become a far deeper shade of blue
my mind began to manifest all my thoughts onto one subject – which was you.
I pretended you were close to me, but it wasn’t nearly close enough,
without you standing close to me my life shall inevitably be rough.
I remember how I always love the way your clothes make you look;
you are so amazing because you never do anything by the book.
I too am cursed to remember the beauty of your laugh,
wishing to freeze such extravagant beauty within a photograph.
These memories constantly rip apart my heart and make me feel so foul,
I could not imagine how you could be any more beautiful than you are right now.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t ever do for you, but there’s nothing I’d do either,
I wish you could put yourself into the shoes of this cold, lifeless cadaver.
My love for you consists of a constant roaring emotion,
which is tossed about inside me like a ship on the ocean.
For not confessing these feelings to you I haven’t any legitimate reason;
this false identity I have created is as cold and lifeless as the winter season.
But if I were to confess my feelings, what words could possibly define,
the way I feel about this someone, who looks so perfectly divine?
When it comes to confessing feelings, I don’t need a book to show me how,
moreover, I won’t ever need a teacher to explain to me I want you now.
Because in all honesty it seems my ship has run aground
and you are the nesessary tide I need to come spin me back around.
I know your name, but I will not dare to write it down,
for you are the single most beautiful woman in this entire town.
I do not write down your name from fear of the embarrassment it would cause,
for you, the woman whose singular beauty has but not a single flaw.
However, by not confessing how I feel my eyes shall constantly weep,
your amazingly intricate beauty – it runs so extraordinarily deep.
The point of this journey of mine is to never actually arrive,
yet every time I look at you I am thrilled to be alive.
I know in truth we are not destined to ever be together
but I can promise you my dear, my love for you shall last forever.
I cannot keep up this facade much longer and my heart can no longer pretend
so here’s the truth – I’m the man of your dreams, masquerading as your good friend.
I wish you could take these words to bed with you and hold onto them at night.
I wish I could take you home with me and tell you everything will be alright.
I know there is a method in my madness as to why I live a lie,
in reality I hope I shall eventually live before I die.
For how could I allow the story of my love for you go untold;
such a narrative perfectly representing the day my heart was sold.
But all these dreams I have are constantly out of reach my friends said
and that all these thoughts are foolish schemes filling up my stupid head.
However, I think I’ve been true to everyone with the exception of you and me
and the way I feel causes me great pain and makes my heart long to be free.
Every time I look upon your beauty I am suddenly made aware,
that the woman I am fated to spend eternity with has constantly been there.
I remember the day I looked upon your intricately smiling face;
that day I was captured by a beauty my mind was unable to erase.
Such a moment of grand magnificence played out exactly like a scene,
one that had been captured directly from the silver screen.
It was such a shame then, as it is right now, that my heart I cannot trust,
for you, the world’s most beautiful young woman – I have an incredible crush.
I repeat these thoughts to myself almost every single day
and in the end I just don’t know how to quit feeling this way.
For I have constantly and will forever allow my love to play me the fool;
I follow society’s guide book on love, never breaking any of their rules.
For this I’m constantly filled with regret, whilst lost for what to do,
the simple truth is I’m never going to be good enough for you.
Posted on February 28, 2012, in Poetry and tagged beauty, confession, drama, dreams, fantasy, girl of ones dreams, Heaven, idolising, infatuation, knowledge, love, not good enough, out of one's league, pain, passion, poetry, regret, romance, truth, what could have been, wishes, wishful thinking. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.